Tarnished Minds
by Kaishi29
Summary: Once upon a time, there lived two beautiful monsters. They hated each other until they came together under an unlikely alliance after Ana was rescued from her kidnapper. Once freed, she was no longer the same person. Her mind was tarnished. Christian saw the demons Ana carried. Identified with his own. She is a psychopath. He is a sociopath. Can the world survive their love story?
1. One - Anastasia

**So as promised here's the new story I've been working on. I'm crossing my fingers that you'll like it because it's something very different, dark and twisted. But then, that's how most of my stories are, lol.**

 **Anyone who's read my work before will know I don't stick to usual portrayals of the characters or the traditional plot-lines. If you're looking for an E.L. James' styled typical Ana-Christian fan fiction, this story is not for you. It's not even set in the same world.**

 **Based on your suggestions and reviews, Tarnished Minds is the chosen title. Essie, thank you for your suggestion. I'm aiming to write long chapters, keeping the word limit minimum 3,000 to max 4,000. Since the prologue and first chapter are shorter and both are from Ana's POV, I've decided to combine them into one chapter.**

 **The story will be posted once in every two weeks. On the occasions of smaller chapters being posted, I'll update the next chapter within 48 to 72 hours. I'll try my best to stick to the schedule but life happens so I'll need you guys to be a little patient. I promise to make up by posting another chapter the same week (if I have it ready.)**

 **I want to thank some of my old readers such as Twinder, AndAllTheSaintsAreMadeOfGold, CTHEWOODS, VampiresAddicted, FSOGFanFictionAdiction and many, many others who have been my loyal supporters. I missed you guys too. It's great to have you back. Please continue reading my work, it means a lot.**

 **Happy Reading :)**

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 **DISCLAIMER: I own all the copyrights to the story except for the name of the characters. Those are owned by E.L. James.**

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 _SYNOPSIS - Once upon a time, in a small town, lived two beautifully lost monsters. They both hated each other until one day they came together under an unlikely alliance._

 _It happened after Ana was rescued from her kidnapper, just the summer before her senior year. Once freed, she was no longer the same person. Months of captivity had tarnished her mind. Only two things kept her sane - music and ruination._

 _Christian's demons saw the ones Ana carried. He identified her needs with his own. Together, they terrorized the town at night and sang their hearts out in the day, as a band everyone loved._

 _She is a psychopath. He is a sociopath. Can the world survive their love story?_

PROLOGUE

ANASTASIA

 _ **"Damaged people are dangerous. They know how to make hell feel like home." ~ Josephine Hart**_

 _Bang bang._

I hear it, but I don't listen to it anymore. I feel them coming, but it doesn't matter anymore. My mind whispers to me that it's all going to be over soon but I don't react anymore.

I am nothing. I am everything. I am gone. I am never coming back again.

 _Bang bang bang!_

That's the sound of a gunshot, I blink and slowly register. It vibrates through me. Yet it fails to bring me out of my daze. I can hear the chaos slowly erupting on the other side. The cries and the panic arising. Yet it fails to reach me. It all falls upon deaf ears.

A part of me wants to wonder. What happens next? Where would I go? Back to the place I used to call home? What about my education? Will I go back to the school or enter some GED program? More importantly, would my father be able to look me in the eye?

But that part is slowly drowning. And I don't do anything to save it. I want it to die for good. My mind has no place for such worries anymore. I am numb and I have to stay numb. This new side of me doesn't allow my rationality to live for long. I like this new me. It's less stressful. It's quiet inside my head with my conscience no longer existing to keep me in check.

The banging on the other side of the door continues to grow louder. The groans and rumbles of the men outside are audible now, along with their frustration over not being able to break through a damn door.

 _Stupid. Cowards! And they call themselves the protectors of the town?_

Not that it matters anymore. They would be too late. Just like always. Just like they were too late to realize I had gone missing. Too late to figure out the secretive staircase that led to the hidden chambers of the basement in a house they had seemingly already searched.

The basement where I was held captive along with a dozen more kids of my age. Kids who went to the same high school as me. Kids who were living here in my town.

Why do I refer to this hell of a place as my town? Not because I reside here. There is nothing homely about this place. I call it mine because it _is_ mine. It belongs to my father. He owns this town, being the Mayor.

Everyone respected him. And everyone hated me. At least in the beginning. For a while, I was their beloved princess when I played their game.

Not anymore.

I don't care about their games, their rules, and their fucking high standards. I've had enough. They weren't in my place four years ago, and they aren't in my place right now. They had no right to judge me back then and they have no fucking right to judge me now. The only difference is that back then I cared. Now, I don't. Not anymore.

They don't know the truth. They never see anything besides what they wanted to see. I knew it all. I have bloody lived it all. They would never see that side of my father. Never know what I know about him.

My father was a monster. The corrupt politician who sent his own child as a bait in the fire of the hell to capture Satan. So is he any better than the devil himself? Is my father any better than the beast who had us imprisoned here, doing heinous things to us?

I should want to debate all of this. Think it all through. After all, I would have a lot of time on my hands now. Not knowing what to do with it once I am free.

Physically free at least, mentally I am gone too far. But they can still free the shell I reside in. As soon as those sorry excuses of cops could break through the door anyway.

I sigh. _My father really has an army of idiots._

But I guess that will work in my favor. How hard will it be to fool a bunch of idiots? I should be lying down now. They are close to breaking and entering the room.

A hysterical laugh bubbles up my throat. The cops are breaking and entering! What an irony.

 _No, shh. Stop it!_ I berate myself.

I have to be in the act now. I can't laugh. I'm the damsel in distress. The high school sweetheart. The precious gem who was stolen from her beloved, doting father.

And I would have never known otherwise had my kidnapper not found a tracking device inside my phone. At first, I thought it was to protect me, keep an eye on me. But it all had been a ruse.

It made sense now. Why my father had taken my phone the very next day when I had told him how unsafe I felt coming here for violin classes. Why my fears went unheard.

The door bursts open on the other side. _Finally_.

Kids are howling with relief and helplessness. Some are crying, fearing a new threat. Those are the smart kids, they shouldn't trust strangers just because they are in uniforms. They shouldn't even trust known faces in uniform either. They shouldn't trust known faces, period. I trusted my father. It was the stupidest thing I could do.

But what could have I done? I was just following everyone else's steps. I was taking a leap of faith listening to him just like every daughter does, blindly trusting her parent.

Only, he let me down. He proved that he was not only a shitty, money-hungry politician but also a shitty father. All because I let other people's belief guide me. Fuck society and fuck its rules and its beliefs! This is going to be the last time it fucks me over. Soon, it's gonna be my turn.

I look down at the beautiful red droplets on my hand, the fascinating wooden and steel structure held in my grip. I wonder why have I never seen such beauty before.

Because I was trying to live like them. Be like them.

That's right. They are obnoxiously blind and ignorant. Why was I trying to imitate them? This is so much better. This is liberating. I don't have to live in conformity like all of them anymore. I am free.

 _I had strings but now I'm free, there are no strings on me_.

Watching the exquisite mess in my hand, I know it's my time to let it go. Time's up now. With a heavy heart, I loosen my grip and flush it thrice to make sure.

The moment it's gone and as if it took my breath with it, I collapse right at the door.

Not seconds later the annoying bunch of idiots comes to my oh-so-precious rescue.

 _Quick! She's in here._

 _I've got her. She has a pulse._

 _Call the ambulance, hurry! Call the mayor_.

I let go, releasing the breath I have been holding. My eyes roll back and the darkness consumes me.

But I'm not scared of darkness. Not anymore. I embraced it a long time back. It's my ally now. My best friend. My only true friend.

It's my hell. It's my home.

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Chapter 1

Anastasia

 _ **"Together they would watch everything that was so carefully planned collapse, and they would smile at the beauty of destruction." – Markus Zukas**_

I sense them. I don't have to turn around or look up to confirm it. I can feel them that strongly.

Eyes.

They follow me. Wherever I go, whatever I do.

Every step that I take, they are conscious of it. Nothing about me goes unnoticed today.

The hall turns deadly quiet as I pass by, silencing all the conversations. Leaving a wake of whispers behind me. I feel like a wave. A big, loud wave that drenches everything around as it comes, leaving the moist behind.

It's funny how I've wanted something like this so badly three years ago. I would've basked in the limelight and enjoyed taking in all their attention. In fact, I did exactly that for a while, a year and a half to be exact.

I earned their attention, soaked it all in. But I was never alone. I was popular and wanted for the kind of friends I had, for the power my father had. I was never popular for who _I_ am. I had to change myself. Adapt to become like them to fit in and even then, it was never about _just_ me.

Now, three years later, I am finally getting my freshmen year's wish. But hey, better late than never right?

Wrong.

Because guess what? I. Don't. Give. a. Fuck. Anymore.

Rolling my eyes, I continue walking to my destination as their eyes follow me. One would think by the way everyone is watching me that I'm some kind of a freak show. Or probably some criminal. Maybe someone who kidnapped all the kids in town and locked them up in a basement or something.

Hah! I mentally give myself a little shake. I really need to notch it down on my humor. _Too soon, Ana. Too soon._

By the time I reach my locker to drop my books, it's starting to annoy me. Don't they have classes to go to? Or talk about upcoming parties and who's fucking whose girl? Or maybe even accidentally study for a while? Why am I suddenly so important?

Granted since this is my first day back since I was kidnapped and held captive for six months in a basement, that people would naturally be curious to see me. I'm probably the "trending" gossip right now, but I wasn't the only one. There were twelve more kids and they all were confided longer than I was. Some of them for more than a year. So, what's so special about me?

 _Maybe because you're the mayor's daughter. Or the fact that you're the only one to return to the school._ Huh. I have been always good at answering my own questions. Makes me feel smart.

I take out a file and shut the locker only to see two girls looking at me expectedly. They must've have been waiting for a chance to talk to me all day. Although, only one of them looks confident. The other one is watching me nervously, just like everyone else. Like they're all waiting for something.

"Welcome back." The brave one nods at me. "How does it feel to have all the eyes on you? Suck it up while you can, girl. I'm afraid when others return, you'll have to share the fame."

"What the hell, Mia!" the nervous one, Leila Williams, hisses at her friend.

I look at Mia and deadpan, "I love it as much as a kidnapped victim of child pornography would."

Leila turns green but Mia just shakes her head. "Only you could make a joke out of it. Don't they encourage to say the word 'survivor' instead of victim these days?"

"Mia! Could you please be a little more insensitive?" Leila admonishes again, not noticing how we both are ignoring her.

"Anyway, what's with the quiet, angry look?" Mia asks me. "They are already naming you the Ice Princess."

"Huh. So that's what all these stares are about?"

"Yeah, well that and the fact that you are indeed a kidnapped victim of child pornography."

"Oh my god, Mia!" Leila gasps.

My reaction is to cock an eyebrow. "Don't you mean survivor?"

Mia laughs, "I missed you, girl! I'm glad you're back in this shithole." She stops abruptly, getting a thoughtful look. "But hey! I don't think this place is a shithole for you anymore, considering where you just came from."

"Mia!"

I laugh a little at that. I've always liked Mia Wallis. Not because her name starkly resembles a character from one of my all-time favorite movies but because of how she somehow always knew what to say to me. And she's been always kind to me. Even when others weren't. I used to like that. It was comforting to know I had a friend in her.

Not sure how I feel about it now. I don't really want her to see the real me. But she was there for me during my _'before'_ phase and still stayed my friend in the _'after'_ phase, even though I could tell she wasn't happy about the change.

Which is why I'm tolerating her at the moment, unlike Leila who is lecturing Mia that she cannot crack her usual dark-humored jokes around me anymore. Especially when I'm in such a "vulnerable state of mind". I'm tempted to bash her head open for that comment alone. The only thing stopping me is that I didn't want to see her state of mind splattered against my locker.

Instead, I look at them while they are busy bickering. The two girls are the polar opposites of each other. Mia is short and perky; a brunette with hazel eyes. And a dancer. Leila is your typical tall, skinny, blue-eyed blonde cheerleader.

Mia is kind to everyone, speaks out for herself and at times, for others too. Leila is a fake arrogant bitch, only nice to people she hates the most, always laughing at her friends behind their back and pathetically unbearable. Oh, and she is also one of my _closest friends_ from the after-phase.

"Guys, I gotta go," I say, interrupting them.

"Where?" Leila scrunches her nose. My eyes turn deadly as I look at her. _Why the fuck do I have to tell you?_

But I force a smile like I've done a thousand times before. "I have a meeting with Ms. Bradley."

"Oh. We'll catch up with you later, then. It's good to have you back."

She steps forward to give me a courtesy hug like we used to but halts mid-action when she sees the murderous look in my eyes that I can't hide anymore. I notice Mia makes no move to touch me in any way. One more point to her.

"See you guys later." With that, I make my way to the guidance counselor's office.

Upon reaching there, just as I'm about to knock, the door opens and a hard muscular chest bumps into my face. My body immediately reacts at being touched. Without thinking I push at the chest, giving it a hard shove.

"Watch where you go!" I snarl at him, my face feels flushed.

One of his arms reaches out to grab the door frame to keep himself from falling while his other arm goes up in the air in defense, attempting to placate me. "Whoa, easy."

Recognizing the familiar voice, my vision comes in focus. I finally see who I really bumped into. Dark copper hair, olive skin, and grey eyes. A perfectly straight nose with a sharp symmetrical jawline. The six foot two inches tall, muscular yet lean body that intimidates majority of the boys at the school.

Christian Grey. The mysterious, scary boy. Oh, and my ex-bully.

Hatred and rage begin churning inside me as the memories come rushing in while I stand there, looking at the person who's third on my list of people-I-hate-the-most.

This is a bad first day of my senior year. A really, really bad first day. My old friend circle can't stop talking about me. Boys think they need to comfort me in their own nasty ways. Teachers announce my return in every single class and how proud they are of the first "survivor" coming back to the school. Everyone keeps staring at me, waiting for me to have a melt-down. And now this, facing my ex-bully.

 _Can't a said poorly-traumatized girl catch a break in her miserable life?_

"Sorry. I-I didn't mean to- I wasn't looking," he fumbles with words, appearing to be shocked to see me. I don't bother with a reply, retreating back and giving him a blank look. He opens his mouth again but thankfully Ms. Bradley shows up behind him and notices me.

"Oh hi, Anastasia, come on in. I was just finishing up with Mr. Grey."

 _Grey, the greyhound mutt._

I snort, remembering my nickname for him. Of course, he notices and scowls like he knows what I'm thinking. Christian clears his throat, regaining his equilibrium.

"Thank you, Ms. Bradley. I'll be on my way." He says in his usual monotone and walks out.

Ms. Bradley smiles at me, inviting me in. Not sparing anytime, or caring to sit, I drop my student-progress file on her table as soon as we enter her cabin.

"I want to take the finals for the junior year," I tell her. "I don't want to be a charity case and I don't want to take school for granted just because I'm the mayor's daughter or because I was kidnapped."

She flinches at my casual use of the _k_ -word. If only she knew I've been making jokes about it all day. Letting out a breath, I bite down on my tongue hard until I taste blood and _voila!_ My eyes begin to water, giving the illusion of tears.

"Please, Ms. Bradley. I need to do something with my free time. I don't want to think about it." Just for a bonus, I throw in one more plea in a cracked whisper.

Her face fills with compassion. I see the moment she caves in. "Fine. I'll talk to the administration. Hopefully, we can fix a make-up schedule for you. In the meanwhile, I'll provide you with the syllabus and set up any extra classes you may need. But please remember, there is absolutely no pressure from the school. You can choose to refrain from giving finals anytime you want. No one will hold you accountable. Just take it easy, okay?"

"Thank you so much." I get up and leave quickly, thinking of Wolverine giving the Predator a prostate massage that has me gagging and covering up my mouth, hopefully making her think that I'm about to have a break-down and that's why I rushed out of her office.

What I said back there was true though. I didn't want the exams waived for me because of my father's position in this town. I never want to be indebted to him ever now that I know what he did. Plus, I do have too much of idle time on my hands now that I'm not taking any "music lessons".

After the classes end, I go back to my locker, pick up my bag and head for the exit. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. Today was a failed attempt to get back into society. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. Or worse.

I put on my earbuds, bringing my hoodie over my head so that I can slip by unnoticed this time. There is a flurry of activities going on in the hallway, now that school is officially dispersed.

Friends are meeting up after class. Jocks and bimbos are huddled together laughing obnoxiously out loud at some ridiculous jokes or maybe some vulgar comments. Nerds are sitting at the edge of the corridor with books in their hands as they make notes. Next to them, a few art students are painting a mural on the wall. Looking at them, I see how ignorant they all are, living in their bubbles.

 _Well, at least no one is looking at me._ I almost sigh in relief.

It is at that very moment that I see a guy skateboarding a short distance in the corridor. He is coming my way, I realize. An idea flashes in my mind.

Thinking of it, I allow myself to smile truly for the first time today. Then, I discreetly take out the unopened pop can from my bag, walking at a calculated pace. I let the can slip through my hands just as the skateboarder is about to pass by me and watch it go rolling.

The can gets stuck under the wheels of his skateboard. He stumbles, trying to regain his balance, but ultimately lands on one of the bimbos. His face planting right at her boobs. Nice.

The girl shrieks at him, pushing him away. Paul, a football player, who is standing next to them drags the Skateboard Guy off the girls and punches him in the face. He cries in pain as blood starts dripping down his nose immediately.

On the other hand, the skateboard goes crashing with the paints, causing them to spilled over the nerds and the books. The nerds go screaming at the art students. One of the geeks pushes a painter and smacks him.

Skateboard Guy's big brother shows up with his gang, shoving Paul into the wall. The football team attacks back. Soon, several others join in and a fight erupts. Freaks, geeks, jocks, goths. Girls are screaming, punches are being thrown, some are fighting by throwing paints on everyone's faces, others are spewing blood.

Teachers come in to try controlling the disaster. The rest of the school forms a crowd to watch the show, taking pictures and making videos. I'm surprised when I see Christian Grey standing in the front of the crowd, not taking part in the mess.

Instead, his eyes are narrowed at me when everyone else is so engrossed watching the fight. He watches me so intently. His face is tilted to the side, his brows furrowed. The look he is giving me makes me think he somehow knows this was my doing. I shake it off, raising my middle finger at him and continue walking.

 _Highway to Hell_ by AC/DC plays through my earbuds, complimenting the scenario as I make my way through the bloody fight. At last, I feel content and peaceful, relishing in the sounds of the little violent chaos happening behind me.

Coming back to the school was a mistake. Dad thought it would be a good idea to go back rather than lying in the bed and thinking about all of it. He wants me to feel the normality again.

As for me, I don't want to feel anything. All I want is to see everyone destroyed. Crumbled up. Just like me.

 _Today isn't so bad, after all. Just needed to add a little spice._

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 **Please, please, please don't forget to comment. I really need to know your thoughts about this one as I'm trying something new. Also, I'll be uploading the second chapter from Christian's POV by the end of this week since some of you have already read till here from my co-writer's account. Trust me when I say you won't like Christian. He's veeeeerrrry different from the Christian Grey you are used to.**

 **NOTE: As mentioned before, my co-writer and I have decided to shift this story and post it from my account. Tainted Psyche by KarynTheSnake will be discontinued on Fifty Shades FanFiction. My friend will be personally messaging all the followers of the story on her account to divert them here. Based on a reader's suggestion we'll be posting Tainted Psyche from KarynTheSnake's account under Twilight Fanfiction, just to experiment the reaction.**

 **If there's any questions or confusions, feel free to ask me either under the reviews or PM me.**

 **Love you all,**

 **~Kaishi29 xoxo**


	2. Two - Christian

**Hey guys! How's everyone? As promised, here's a new chapter by the end of the week. Now I need you to help me with two big factors here.**

 **Firstly I need you, awesome readers, to let me know if Christian's voice of POV sounds different than Ana's. I don't want them to sound too alike. Also please suggest me how can I make their POV more differentiated from each others'.**

 **Secondly, I need you guys to try and get a read on Christian's personality and review your thoughts. I want to know what you as the readers think of him and how to proceed from there. Chances are you won't like him much further down the story, but you'll definitely hate Ana at some point. And that's okay because you'll also feel for her. It's all part of character development.**

 **And on the note, feel free to curse the characters if they do something you don't like. Cuz they're gonna be doing a lot of those things ;) But also, I request you guys to direct your hate towards the characters, not the story in general and ESPECIALLY not the writer. I'm human too.**

 **Finally, a big Thank You to all the readers, followers, reviewers and people who favorited my story. I wasn't expecting that many followers in just one chapter so thank you so much for making me feel worthwhile. You guys are rockstars!**

 **Your reviews were really interesting to read. You gave a lot of insight into the story, helpful suggestions on my writing and just spot-on plot guesses. Dear kingb0b, if you smiling at this is bad then I'm the worst for writing it and making you like it. And I take full pride in that LOL!**

 **Happy Reading :)**

Chapter 2

Christian

 _ **"Had to lose my way, to know which road to take. Trouble found me. All I look forward,  
washed away by a wave." – Imagine Dragons**_

My favorite hobby is to watch and observe them. The commotion. People struggling in their daily busy lives.

I like passing time this way. Trying to understand their simple movements, their interactions. Their reasons behind all of it.

Which is what I'm doing right now. Sitting in the cafeteria, watching them talk and eat.

Leila and her friends are decorating the area with 'Welcome Back' banners. Everyone in the cafe is eagerly waiting for the guest of honor to arrive. The person who they don't exactly like but would pretend to be the closest friends with.

Humans are an interesting species. I don't quite understand them.

They are social animals who prefer their personal time. Every individual craves recognition but also likes isolation. They want to be leaders yet they follow the crowd. Humans associate with people they don't like and distance themselves from the ones they love, for the fear of getting hurt.

It seems to me that humans can never be satisfied. They are an unfinished project that can never reach attainment.

I'm a human too, biologically at least. I eat. I sleep. I like to fuck. Just as every other human does. But I have never felt truly connected to the humans. Sometimes, I feel like I don't belong with them.

"Is everything ready? Are the balloons all set up?" Leila yells at Paul Hoffman, who is up in the air, tying the said balloons from the ceiling.

I wonder if Leila is partially blind. However, that happens very often. Humans ask the most obvious unnecessary questions. I could never apprehend why do they do that.

For instance, I wouldn't bother asking why Paul wasn't suspended after yesterday's fight when many others were. The answer is obvious. He is on the football team and he comes from a rich family. My questioning it wouldn't give me a different answer.

It's at times like these I feel so disconnected from humans.

Don't get me wrong, I do have feelings. I feel anger, contentment, sadness, frustration, and even peace sometimes. I have wants and needs too. But what is the one thing that makes humans so humane?

Their humanity.

It's the one thing I lack. It makes me different from everyone else.

Most of the times I feel nothing. I feel empty inside. Not in a sad or depressed way. I didn't shut myself down after a tragedy or a trauma. I've always been like this.

Maybe I was born this way. Maybe my nurturing made me this way. Neither would be surprising considering my colorful family history.

Hence, very few things in this world make me feel something. Anything at all.

Music is one. When I pick up my guitar and sing. That's when I feel true emotions. I forget the universe.

Fighting is another. It makes me feel pain, excitement. The rush of the adrenaline. The relief that comes after it, when you are beating the life out someone.

And then, there is Anastasia Steele.

She is a dangerous addiction. She makes me feel hatred, frustration and strangest of all… _lust_. Deep, insatiable lust. A gnawing hunger.

"WELCOME BACK!" Leila screams, followed by applause. People cheer, whooping when the awaited guest finally graces her so-called friends with her presence.

She looks around, confused. Pretending to be not expecting it. Her eyes collide with mine for a split second. I find myself gazing in those powder blue, bottomless eyes. They are framed with an enticing heart-shaped face, sharp cheekbones. Luscious round lips with a perfect cupid bow and long dark chestnut-colored hair.

What attracts me to her at the moment is the venom in her eyes. She really hates me. I shouldn't be surprised, but I can feel being so. She has been repellent towards me in the past. Now, I see pure hostility on her face. Every time she looks at me. Regarding me with downright abhorrence.

Then she turns away, plastering a smile, she joins the celebration of her return.

It gets me out of control whenever I'm near her. One of the reasons I've scorned her in the past. That and her pretenses. The mask she wears used to disgust me. It also made me curious.

 _How does she do it? More importantly, why does she do it?_

She isn't like me, I know that much. She can be open with her feelings. Laugh when she wants to, cry when she needs to. I've seen her do it before.

But she doesn't. She hides them like a weak little human who just gave under the pressure because she wants to be liked, but not while being her true self. Pathetic.

Although, something is different about her now. Ever since she came back, she seems to be enjoying wearing her facade.

I watch her, more than I used to. More than it's socially acceptable. I see her sly expressions that no one else notices. The glint of madness that she covers up with forced and soft eyes. The raging violent that is building inside her.

She is enjoying fooling others. Almost like this is her stage and she is the main actress.

Something has definitely changed inside her. I plan to find out. Soon.

"Christian, are you coming?" Jose appears in front of me. Blocking my view of Ana and her small reunion party.

An urge to lean around him just to get another glance of her exotic beauty creeps in. Rather, I give Jose a terse nod and get up, following him out of the cafeteria. Into the music room. It's time for our band practice.

We meet up thrice in a week. At Jose's place every Monday to compose something new, here in the music room at our school skipping lunchtime once a week to practice, and at Ethan's garage over the weekends to perfect our pieces.

For now, we are only meeting in the music room, skipping the Monday's and weekends' routine due to the lack of a songwriter.

Our fourth band member recently moved to Miami this summer. Leaving an open spot for the pianist. His family didn't feel safe living in the town anymore.

He was also the songwriter for our band. When he moved, he put a copyright on all of his songs. He wants to perform them with the band he joined at his new high school.

Ethan and Jose were angry at his betrayal. They fume up every time his name came up. I didn't understand the anger or treachery in this situation. I just wanted to keep playing. Therefore, I convinced them to keep practicing. Reasoning that we don't want to lose our touch.

It's not that hard to manipulate humans to get what you want.

Picking up my guitar, I release a breath. My fingers stroke at the strings. I feel relaxed instantly. Ethan and Jose say I'm a completely different person when I play. I would agree with them. Only because they know the truth about me. Rather than running away from me, they help me channel my emotions.

Sometimes I wonder who is smarter. The rest of the world that is rightfully intimidated by me and thus, keep its distance. Or these two who befriended me and have no sense of self-preservation. Probably the former.

Jose starts playing the piano. Temporarily filling in for the pianist and leaving me to be the only guitarist for the time being. I follow his lead, playing my guitar. Ethan sits behind his drums set. Waiting for the drop.

I sing to the lyrics of _Roots_ by Imagine Dragons. The song lights up every inch of my soul. The truth rings loud and clear in the words. I close my eyes, finding the perfect face to fit the lyrics.

Usually when I sing this song, I sing it for myself. It is for me and about me. Today, in the darkness of my shuttered eyes, I see _her_.

Her blue eyes and wild curls and sly smiles. I see Anastasia. Dedicating the song to her, I sing. Maximizing on each breath. Putting every vocal chord to its fullest usage. I sing, losing myself in the beats and the image of her eyes. Playing my guitar until Ethan signals the end of the song, hitting the cymbal.

"What the heck's gotten into you today, man?" Jose questions me. "I've never heard you sing like that."

"Was it bad?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "No, it was fucking awesome! You've always been a hot singer but you're a better guitarist, you know? Today, man, you sang like the world was ending. You sang like uh, like those musicians did when Titanic was sinking."

Ethan huffs, "War, those musicians never sang. They played cellos and-"

He shuts up. Not completing his sentence. But we know what he was going to say.

Cellos and _violins_.

It's practically a taboo to utter the word 'violin' now. Brings out the fresh memories everyone is dead set on forgetting about.

No one wants to remember about the violin instructor who abducted the teenagers. Imprisoned them in his basement for months. Forcing them to rape each other. To create salacious pornographic videos.

The whole town was devastated when the case of mysteriously disappearing kids was finally solved. Because the reality was much more perturbing. Everyone was shaken. Still are.

It's been merely a couple weeks since the basement was discovered by the authorities. With a dozen teenagers who have filed away either as runaways or missing. Ana has been the only one returned to school so far. Others are still recovering.

Ethan clears his throat. "Uh well, guys, I've been thinking we should really get behind that whole auditions idea. Unless Christian is gonna' start writing something soon."

He looks at me expectantly. I simply shrug.

One of the drawbacks of being a musician who suffers from ASPD. I could sing and play with all my feelings. But when it comes to writing, I feel empty again. I have nothing to give or write.

"Not just the songwriting issue. We also need a pianist," I try to deflect.

Jose shrugs. "I don't mind handling the piano. I actually kind of like it."

"No, we need you to be at the bass." Emmet says, "you also do back vocals for Christian. You have to stay up front."

"Can't we find someone who does that too?" Jose asks nervously, "So that I can switch places with them time to time. You know how much I hate being in the front."

"Yeah sure. Someone who plays piano, a guitar too, writes fucking fantastic songs, oh and sings too." Ethan laughs. "You do realize we are looking for some high-schooler to join us? Not freaking Bruno Mars or Ed Sheeran."

They go back and forth for a while, throwing jabs at each other. Meanwhile, I rethink over Ethan's words. I do know someone who does all of that. Probably more than that.

"Let's do the auditions. We'll make a big deal out of it. Do it in the school theatre. After school on Friday."

"Why the theatre?"

"I think that's a great idea," Ethan replies to Jose. "This way they'll take us seriously and the more students come, the better it will be."

 _You wanted a platform? You got one. Time to come out of the shadows, Anastasia._

The loud sound of a head smacking against the metal captures the attention of those around me.

Phones are out in the anticipation of another fight coming up. I almost want to let go of the person I've got in my grip just to disappoint them all.

"I won't ask again," I threaten my target.

He struggles to break away. "Go fuck yourself. You don't scare me."

Brave thing to say for someone who can't even free his shirt from me. Imagine if it were his neck. He'd have already passed out by now.

"You know why?" He goes on, "because you're nothing. You're just a homeless faggot with no family. You're a pussy."

I try not to hurt him. I try really hard. Clenching my fists. Taking in deep breaths. I try with all my willpower to not hurt him.

Not because it's the right thing to do. Trust me, Jack Hyde deserves so much worse. I try to stop because I don't want to get suspended.

Ethan once told me to think of the good times. He said it will help me overcome my impulsivity. So, I try to think of one good thing in my entire existence of eighteen years. Something that has brought me some kind of resemblance to happiness.

Nothing.

Nil. Empty. Blank.

Just like me. Just like my brother's bank account status after I ran away with all his money.

There are no peaceful or happy thoughts to calm me down at the moment. Only contempt filling me, marking every cell of my essence.

The closest I ever came to feeling happiness are the two memories overshadowed by the guilt. If I want to spare this loathsome creature's life, I would do my best not to remember those times.

Music. Think of music. Think of… _her._

"Hey, faggot!"

The kid wants to die. Why else would he taunt me? He can clearly see I'm trying to subdue myself.

Yet he continues. "Fucking coward!" he screams.

My arm swings back. Before I know it, my fist collides with his jaw. He goes down to his knees in just one punch. I'm not even done. I grab his hair and swing again. Hitting his cheekbone this time. I keep punching him. He can do nothing but lie on the floor and take it.

I want to keep hitting this low-lying scum until he chokes on his own blood. But I know I should stop before I accidentally kill him. I need to stop. If only I could find it within myself to-

"Hey, you."

 _That voice._

My fist halts mid-air. Pausing just an inch from Jack's face. His arms immediately go up to protect himself. But I don't care about him anymore.

I turn to look at the owner of the voice that just dragged me out of my red haze. A weird feeling of calmness immediately settles over me. I hate her for having that kind of control over me.

But she also helped me stop. I was struggling to control myself and the second Ana appears I'm tamed so easily. Concealing my wild confusion, I let the ever-present anger take over me.

"What do you want?" I snarl at her.

Not the first time I was unreasonably rude to her. I have always been mean to her. Used to make her flinch or cry. But today she stares back at me impassively.

"That's my locker you're beating him against. I don't want to get infected with all the blood splattering from his mouth, so can you please take it somewhere else?" She asks, tilting her head to the side.

I blink at her in surprise, not sure I heard it right. You could tell by looking at her that she is serious. A boy getting pummeled, his broken nose is bleeding and she is worrying over her locker's sanitation.

 _What happened to you, Ana? What did that son of a bitch do to you?_

Two pairs of hands grab my shoulder. They yank me away from Jack who gets up. Flashing me a bloody smile as two of his friends attempt to hold me back.

"What's going on here?" An authoritative voice has got everyone to straighten up. Students move aside. Principal Walgreen makes his way to us.

He assesses the scene before him. Ana rolls her eyes, muttering something sounding like "finally" under her breath.

"I asked, what's going on here?" Principal Walgreen draws my attention back to him.

Silence greets him back. He eyes each one of us individually. Decides to target me. "Mr. Grey, would you like to tell me why are you involved in a yet another violent incident?"

"He was defending me, sir." Ana steps in, shocking the hell out of me.

Walgreen looks surprised too. He probably didn't even notice her standing there. Just a few steps away from the fight. The way his stance changes immediately confirms it.

"Ms. Steele, how may I help you?" He says in a softer tone. As though he's trying not to break her. I bet Anastasia just loves people treating her like a glassed China doll these days.

"I'm saying that Christian just defended me. Jack has been mean to me ever since I've been back. He makes snide comments and writes me rude messages, mocking my - uh - recent situation. Christian just stepped up to him on my behalf."

She says all of that with these calculated doe-eyes and pouty lips. Even I almost believe her for a second.

Principal Walgreen looks flustered. "What kind of snide comments?"

Ana opens her mouth and closes it back just as fast, pressing her lips in a trembling line. She blinks her eyes rapidly.

 _She's really good_.

"Are you alright, Fytzie? Would you like to talk about this in my office?" Walgreen eyes her with concern.

She shakes her head, forcing out a sad smile. "No, I can do this." She nods repeatedly, closing her eyes. Like she is talking to herself. "I can be strong."

"Take your time, dear. Whenever you are ready."

What. The. Fuck. I almost laugh out loud. Am I the only one who can see what's going on here? Does no one else see her faking it?

"He asked me about my time in the basement. He asked if," she sighs visibly, "if I enjoyed it. He also wrote me these notes in the class." She fishes out two folded sticky notes from her pocket and hands it to the Principal.

Whatever is written in those notes has his ears turning red. He is glowering at Jack, who has the decency to remain quiet and lower his head. The way his Adam's apple bobs up tell me that he knows he is in deep trouble.

Walgreen turns to me. "Well, that still doesn't give you the right to take matters into your hands and hurt students, Mr. Grey."

I start to defend myself but Ana interrupts me again, "he didn't do anything wrong, sir. He just told them not to disturb me anymore and Jack ganged up on the poor guy with his friends."

 _Poor guy? Are you shitting me right now?_ I want to crush her windpipe for calling me a poor guy. What am I, some damsel in distress?

"Is that true? Then what about the blood coming out of your mouth, Jack?"

"That was him tripping against my locker." She points out at the tiny dried up blood spots on the mentioned locker. None of the spectators expose her lies.

Principal Walgreen grimaces. Clearly not buying her story but not daring to call out on her either. After all, her father is the mayor and also one of the trustees of the school.

"Ms. Steele, are you sure Mr. Bridges just happen to trip against your locker and hurt himself that seriously?"

She narrows her smoldering eyes at him. "Mr. Walgreen, are you calling me a liar?" She challenges.

That shuts him up immediately. "No, not at all. I was just making sure." _Pussy._

She sighs again. "I didn't want it to come to this, but if it makes you believe." She shrugs. The audience surrounding us all caught in her act, myself included.

"Look for yourself, see what he did."

She opens her locker and stands aside. Letting us see the red letters painted on the inside of her locker door.

No one utters a single word. They all stand shell shocked, reading the words. Looking at Jack with disgust.

I, myself, have a hard time to not go and throw few more punches. I tell myself repeatedly, this doesn't concern me. I shouldn't care. But those freshly written words. Paint still dripping down the metal. They're enraging enough to make me want to erupt again.

 _PEDO'S WHORE_

"In my office. Now!" Walgreen screams at Jack and his friends.

"Back to your classes, the rest of you! If I see anyone still standing here in the next ten seconds, they'll be sitting home for the next two days with a letter of suspension in their hands."

That causes everyone to break up and move quickly. Only when Mr. Walgreen leaves with Jack and his bitches in the toe, do I see Jack turning to give Anastasia a menacing glare.

Anastasia winks back. Smiling wickedly as she collects her books and goes off in the opposite direction. The exchange happens so quick, if I weren't standing right there I wouldn't have noticed it.

Something occurs to me then.

Did she just turn this over by stepping in the spotlight, manipulating the Principal and ratting out Jack? With an added bonus of entire school now hating him for the insensitive act.

 _And did she also save me in this whole process?_

A smirk crawls up on my lips. I think I like this new Ana.

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 **What do you guys think? Is this a good buildup? Or do I need to make it a little more interested? Some really chaotic mess created by our favorite couple is coming up in Chapter 4 & 6\. With lots of hate-love intense moments. Stay tuned ;) AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW.**

 **This is the most unconventional story I've ever so I really, really need to know what's going on in your mind when you're reading it. So please, review!**

 **P.S - for my lovely loyal readers and those who have been waiting for it, a new chapter was uploaded for The Cinder on Friday. Hope you like it :)**

 **Love ya all,**

 **~Kaishi xoxo**


	3. Three - Anastasia

**Hey guys, sorry for being a day late. I just had to review it before posting to make sure it's good enough. Luckily all my classes were cancelled today cuz of the snowstorm so I was able to be done with it today.**

 **Also, I'm THRILLED with the reviews, comments and amount of followers/favorites I recieved for this story in the past two weeks. I know I keep saying this, but you guys are AMAZING! Thank you so much! I'm stoked! Please continue to keep supporting me like this, means a lot, xo.**

 **IMPORTANT : As I keep warning, there are certain things in this chapter that you may not like. And that's okay, just please be sure direct your dislike to the story, not the author.**

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 **PLEASE NOTE THAT I DO NOT ENCOURAGE HARMING ANIMALS THROUGH ANY MEANS. THIS STORY IS JUST A WORK OF FICTION. I LOVE ANIMALS AND I'M STRICTLY AGAINST HURTING THEM.**

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Chapter 3

Anastasia

" _ **Am I the only one? Playing games, in the black, of the night." ~ Anya Marina**_

I can't believe it.

I've been doing so well, despite the pity party everyone has been throwing me. It has been hard to keep my urges under control, yet so far I've managed not to break anyone's neck.

I keep pretending all's good in my sad little miserable world and I'm the Katniss Everdeen just trying to keep it real after surviving through the Hunger Games.

Scratch that. Katniss could have a resting bitch face and still get away with it. I, on the other hand, have to keep smiling and crying on their demand. It's hard maintaining the perfect balance.

If I laugh or cry at the wrong place and wrong time, they'll think I've finally lost it. I can't afford anybody thinking I'm in anything less than a perfect state of mind. Fragile yet strong. Scared yet surviving. Spooked yet normal.

Anyway, my point is that I've been doing great. Haven't lost it once, no matter how close I came to. I've pretended to be normal, maintained the perfect balance.

 _So why has the universe decided to fuck me over?_

Abnormal & Applied Psychology, the fourth period, is the only class that I truly enjoy here. The one single hour in the entire daily torture of high school where I find myself relaxed and concentrating.

There's something fascinating about studying all these mental illnesses. I personally find schizophrenia to be of a great interest. Maybe I'll do a case study on it for my final project.

 _How about a case study on yourself, Ana? We'll call it Stockholm Syndrome._

Hmmm. I actually like that idea. Considering the rumors that have ignited, credits to Jack's sweet words on my locker. People now believe I'd formed an attachment with Robert Lincoln, my captor. Probably why I was his _favorite_.

 _If only they knew the truth._

Coming back to the current rotting bone the world has thrown me; I've been assigned a new lab partner for my favorite class. Guess who?

Christian Motherfucking Grey.

 _That'd be actually such a cooler middle name, compared to old boring Trevelyan. It'll go well with his last name too._

Another reason I loved this class is because it was odd-numbered. While everyone had their partners to struggle with, I was blissfully alone and away from the public eye for once.

Now this motherfucking greyhound has ruined that for me as well.

I knew it the moment he entered the room. Walking like he belongs here, which he clearly doesn't because I've never seen him in this class before. He went to the professor, handing out a pink slip to her. She smiled at him and pointed in my direction. The one student who doesn't have a partner.

Now he is taking his seat next to me as I throw daggers at him through the sheer power of my gaze. He smirks like he knows exactly how I'm planning to slaughter him. Without a word, he opens his notebook and starts writing down the instructions Ms. Hamilton is giving for the new assignment.

Fuck. My. Life.

I swear this school is provoking me to go on a rampage.

For the next twenty minutes, I do my best to pretend that the person sitting next to me does not exist. I think he is busy doing the same. Finally, something we can do together in a perfect harmony– ignoring the hell out of each other. I wish we can spend the whole semester this way.

But of course, it's a wishful thinking that ends right along with the professor's lecture and her instructions to discuss the assignment with our partners. Yay.

Look, this is not some twilight shit. Although I agree there are some similarities. Bella walks in a new class, gets assigned as an unwanted partner to someone who wants to kill her. But that's where the similarities end.

For one, I am not a glittery pale immortal. In fact, I love sunlight.

Two, this is not going to end up in a friendly conversation that leads to an unbearably annoying love story. I'm still going to hate him.

Three, _um three_ … I just hate him. End of the story.

So I just sit here, staring ahead aimlessly. Trying my best to not act on my fantasies where I kill everyone present in this classroom and bathe in their blood.

 _Damn! This is exactly what Edward was thinking the first time he met Bella._

Nope, still not twilight.

Four! We know each other from before. And we've hated each other then too. Huh. Another difference.

Just twenty-five minutes ago I was looking forward to attending this class. Now I couldn't wait to get out of here. Funny how life changes in the blink of an eye, going from sucky to suckier. But who should know that better than me?

All it took was fifty-one seconds to knock me out and kidnap me.

"Thank you," Grey murmurs, breaking my line of thoughts. His unexpected comment has me scanning his impassive face.

 _Please add the permanent blank look Christian and Kristen Stewart share to the list of similarities_.

Dammit, I should be working on differences.

"What?" I blink at him.

"Yesterday. With Jack."

Huh. Christian has manners. "Didn't do it for you." I go back to staring ahead, sounding just as detached as him.

He says, "still saved me from detention."

I say, "to make him look worse."

He says, "thanks anyway."

I say, "don't thank me."

There is a beat of silence after my words. I wonder if anyone could see us conversing right now. They'll definitely recommend casting us for the latest season of The Walking Dead, where zombies will be evolving and talking to each other.

Because that's how we sound right now. Two zombies talking in the dead flat voices, not even bothering to look at each other.

"Want to talk about the assignment?" He breaks the silence once again.

I keep my reply short, "I'll do it. Don't worry."

"I never worry."

I don't bother replying this time. Because I know that's a lie. I have seen him worry once, a long time back. I refuse to walk down that memory lane. Sitting in the awkward silence is preferable than going into the flashbacks.

Christian Grey has hated me ever since the night we first met. As if it's my fault that I got him worried that day. All these years of loathing and bullying because of that one stupid night. He's always looked at me with anger in his eyes after that.

Although, now that I think about it, he hasn't looked at me that way since I came back. The loathing is gone replaced by something else. Something similar to an interest. And not the sexual kind of interest.

More of a morbid curiosity like a scientist has for studying a virus. Or a doctor with the patient. Or a psychologist with their client. Wait...

 _Is he thinking of picking me for his case-study? I'll screw him so hard in the head he'll beg me to kill him._

"Why are you in this class? You weren't here earlier." I ask him.

"Requested schedule change. Got approved today."

Ah! That must be why he was at the counselor's office the first day when he bumped into me. Another beat of silence runs before he breaks it again. _I'm totally winning this game._

"I want to do the assignment."

I shrug. "Then do it. Just complete it by Thursday. And don't forget to write my name on it too."

"Why not do it together?" He asks.

"Cuz I don't wanna' do anything with you," I tell him.

"Why do you hate me?"

The audacity!

I face him, my eyes spewing fire. "You are the one who openly despises me. I don't give enough fucks about you to hate you, Christian Grey." _Lie. I do hate him back._

"You're lying." He asks. _Uh-oh_. "It's on your face. Everytime you mistakenly happen to look at me. We're stuck together for the semester. Wanna know why do you hate me. Couldn't be because I was mean to you. Everyone was. You seem to be okay with them."

My eyebrow quirks at him in surprise. This is the most I've heard Christian talk. Maybe except the first time we met? Nah, not even then.

He's got a point though. Everyone was mean to me when I came to the town four years ago. My mother was getting her treatment for cancer in Atlanta and decided to send me here to my father.

People didn't like the big-city-girl coming into their small town, so no one talked to me. Until I learned to play by their rules.

Took me almost a year of being a pathetic, lonely sad girl with no friends. Then my father became a candidate and I became likable enough to make a couple of friends during my sophomore year of high school. That way my _before_ phase.

My _after_ phase began the day my father was elected as the Mayor a year ago, and everyone became my new best friend. Everyone except Christian Grey.

It made me secretly respect him a little. He hated me before and he hated me after. He was the only one constant throughout my freshman to junior year of this hell.

Now, there is a new before and after phase for me. _Before-torture_ and _after-torture_. And this 'after-torture' me doesn't care anymore about anything at all.

So I give him a little truth he deserves after his whole monologue. Enough to get him to stop confronting me. Not caring how this might reflect upon me.

"I don't exactly hate you. It's more like I envy you."

"Why though?"

"No one gives a shit what you do. No one cares about you."

"That's what you're jealous of?" He asks in a peculiar tone.

He isn't offended by what I said, doesn't seem to mind my harsh words. He is genuinely interested to know my reasoning.

"You can do you want, be as troublesome as you'd like and they will just turn away thinking you're some lost-cause. You've never been under the spotlight. You can be yourself and no one will give two shits about it."

He regards me for a long minute, looking confused. "You're saying you wanna be a lost cause, like me? Don't you enjoy the stage, though? Deceiving others?"

 _How did he know?_

It was like he was speaking to the sickness inside me. Encouraging it to bloom up.

"I do. I love tricking them. But I also want to be the lost cause at the backstage. Watch them lose their mind."

"You want to cause destruction. Like you did on Monday", he says, examining me.

So he knows I was responsible for that skateboard clusterfuck. Yet he hasn't said anything to anyone. But then, what proof does he have?

"Something like that. On a much worse level, though. But I don't want the whole world watching me do it. I want to keep my tricks in the bag, away from their sights. I want them to stay deluded. I want them to keep underestimating me. It's more fun that way."

Understanding seeps into his eyes. "You're not avoiding your break-down. You're actually dying to have it. You want to fall into the abyss. Without being noticed."

"Fall with style and they'll think you're flying." I grin, "great lessons from great Disney movies."

His lips twitch in an effort to hold back his smile. "You're really good at wearing the mask, Anastasia. I'll say keep wearing it during the day."

 _Wearing the mask_. The way he says it, looking straight into my eyes, makes me shiver inside.

"And at night? What do I do during the night?"

He leans forward until his lips are a hairbreadth away from my ear. Something happens to me. A chill breaks out within. I don't understand the way my body reacts to his close proximity.

Unlike the other day he bumped into me or when Leila tried to hug me, I don't freeze and try to shove him away. Instead, I am anticipating the words he whispers slowly whispers, making my heartbeat go racing.

"At night, when no one looks, you sharpen your claws."

His words do something to me. Awakens something inside me. A new kind of craving. I barely manage to conceal the gasp that almost came out of my mouth. My hands shake as I flip to the back of my notebook to write what he just said. Savoring those words.

 _At night, when no one looks, you sharpen your claws_.

The moment the bell goes off, I'm already out of the door. Others haven't even got up from their seats yet. _Twilight - 6, Ana - 4._

I rush towards the music room and go to sit at the mini grand piano. I breathe in deeply, closing my eyes as I let my fingers run freely on the black and white keys, producing the chords that accentuate my words as I sing.

 _Fuck, I've missed this._

A sudden sense of serenity settles over me. It happens so naturally, my body taking complete control of my actions. Anya Marina's _How Far Does the Dark Go?_ pours out of my mouth effortlessly. The small glassed window shows me the students gathering around the room, listening to me singing. Watching me play.

Christian was right. I do love the stage. I also want to fall into the darkness unseen. Right now, I'm doing both. And no one can see it. The realization enhances my trip. I feel high on it. Drowning in the sounds of my music and the whispers of awe coming from the viewers. I sing for myself but I perform for them.

Until he enters the room. It changes. I sing to him then.

No one else has stepped inside. They keep watching from afar, just the way I want them to. But this guy breaks the barrier, taunting the demons inside me to come out and play.

I relish the harshness of his glare, singing louder under his scrutiny, all the while beaming up at him. He frowns as if I've been cursing him, not smiling at him. He waits until I end the song to say what he wants to say.

"Sing with me, Ana."

 _Tempting. Very, very tempting._

It's my turn to stare at him. Long and hard until my eyes narrow into a warning. "No. I've let you fool me once, Christian Grey, I won't allow it twice."

I get up and leave but not before I hear his taunting words.

"Sounds to me like you still care. That's not someone who doesn't give enough fucks, Anastasia."

That night I lay in bed, mulling over his words. The more I think over it, the more restless I get.

My body starts shaking. Breathing becomes difficult for me. I feel suffocated. Is this what an addiction does to you? Aren't these called the withdrawal symptoms?

Getting up, I take out my laptop from my bag. Opening a new tab in the incognito mode, I hastily type in what I'm looking for, then begin watching upon finding it.

The shaking slowly stops as I get hypnotized by what I see. My lungs work easier with each second that passes by. It's calming and therapeutic for me. My thoughts are vanishing, leaving a blank canvas. Coldness seeping into my bones, I feel free again.

Suddenly I'm interrupted by the continuous loud barkings from outside my window, accompanied by the agonizing howls as if someone is dying.

I don't give myself a chance to think. I step out of my room and walk outside, making a quick stop in the kitchen.

By the time I reach to the source of the sound, the howling has quieted down, only leaving the barkings. A stray puppy lies bloody and mangled at the feet of a huge Pitbull terrier. The dog looks at me, poised to attack if I take away its prey.

The dog, Diablo, has always been a headache. Domesticated by one of our ignorant neighbors, he's been left to starve an uncared for. I'm surprised the owner, Olivia, hasn't died yet. At the age of seventy, she still spits venom at people worse than a cobra could.

Many families have come at her door accusing Diablo to have killed their pets in the past few years. No one has ever returned to their homes sane minded after Olivia rips them a new one. People are more scared of her than Diablo.

I step closer, carefully raising one hand in the air in an attempt to calm Diablo and whistle a soft tune. Its growling turns to whines soon enough.

Diablo steps away from its recent kill, coming closer to my lure of petting. I know most of the times a dog's nurturing is responsible for its aggression. Given Olivia's carelessness, there is no wonder Diablo turned out to be such a monster.

 _I feel you dear Diablo. I get you._

But the poor monster not only killed an innocent stray, it also interrupted my therapy. So I bring up my other hand. The one holding a carving knife I had taken from the kitchen.

With a quick swing, I free Diablo of its pointless, sorrowful suffering. A teardrop lands on its limp body. I realize it's mine as I watch the blood slowly flowing on the ground, mixing with the blood of the dead pup.

 _Way to go, Ana. Don't most psychopaths and serial killers start by killing animals?_

Killing Diablo should've felt liberating. It should've made me feel something. Instead, I felt hollow. Emptier than before. If anything, killing Diablo obliterated something inside me.

My lips give way to a cold, cold smile.

Christian was wrong. I really don't give enough fucks. Or any fucks at all.

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 **Thoughts? Do you hate it? Do you love it? Are you willing to read more? Is it interesting enough? Please, please, please let me know. I really need an i** **nsight of my readers as to what do you think of this story. DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW!**

 **I'll see you in two weeks.**

 **Love ya all,**

 **~ Kaishi xoxo**


	4. Four - Christian

**Hey guys, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! I hope you have great day, whether you celebrate it with your friends, someone special or just yourself and your book-boyfriends ;)**

 **If you don't have any grande plans today, well now you have this new chapter to read! This chapter is special to me, because so far in the story that I've written, this is the most Ana & Christian directly communicate each other. Since most of you especially enjoy their interactions in my story, I'm looking forward to see what will you think of this chapter.**

 **But before you all start reading, I would like to clarify something. 2 weeks ago I received a PM from one of my readers saying it makes them nervous when I ask people to review and let me know if I should continue. I apologize for the miscommunication here if I gave anyone the idea that I'm not serious about this story. I'm are working hard on Tarnished Minds and when I ask you your thoughts about continuing the story, I simply mean it in the way it's currently going being a completely non-traditional fan fiction.**

 **The person also encouraged me to write the story for myself and not others, I really thank you for that and take your advice seriously. I'm definitely writing this story for myself, but when it comes to posting - it's purely for the purpose of the readers. And if my plot is not interesting enough, I would like to know it so I don't waste my time or yours. That is why reviews are so important to me.**

 **Happy Reading!**

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 **DISCLAIMER:** **I own all the copyrights to the plot line, except for the name and portrayal of the characters.**

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Christian

 _ **"The cry goes out, they lose their minds for us. And how it plays out. Now we're in the ring. And we're coming for blood" ~ Lorde**_

I can't stay away from her. I don't want to.

There is a sickness inside me that recognizes the beast caged within her. Fighting to get out. She is losing the fight. I can see it in her eyes.

The monster in me wants to devour her. I've been content keeping to myself so far. But now seeing a potential partner in crime, it's hard to resist the desire.

More importantly, there is an urge churning deep within me. Not belonging to my monster. The urge is purely mine. Stronger than any sickness breeding inside. The urge is to protect her. Make sure she meet the end I fear.

 _Fear_. That's a new one.

"I need to talk to you," I say when the bell rings. She doesn't reply. Only walks out. So I follow her out of the classroom.

Ana is going on a dangerous path. She may not ever return from it. I've seen it happen many times when I lived with my family. I've been there myself. Which is why I know I'll never be what the world considers to be a normal human being.

The only reason I survived is because I ran away at the first opportunity I saw. I cashed in every single penny from my brother's savings and vanished. But one could only run from their true nature for so long. Now I live with it.

Nevertheless, I didn't lose myself to my genetic lunacy. A remarkable achievement for me. Not going to be that easy for Ana. She can't run away and be free like me. Her enemy isn't out there in the world. She is her own enemy.

I try once again, still striding behind her. "It's important. Trust me, you will want to talk about this."

She stills, curiosity gaining the best of her. Not uttering a word, she nods her head to the chemistry lab at the end of the corridor. I'm assuming it's empty.

I have a theory that might work. Thought of it after seeing her react to the hallway fight she caused on Monday. And later on, when I saw her singing.

Maybe what helped me can help her too. Just needs to be a little different. I like to stay hidden, she likes to be watched. I actively engage in fights to help me stay calm. She wants to be the passive viewer after causing it.

Ana stops at the last workstation in the lab. She says nothing. Her eyes indicating for me to begin.

"I can help you," I tell her.

She cocks an eyebrow at me. "Help me in what?"

"Controlling yourself. Staying sane."

No reply. She remains unresponsive. No playing dumb or asking any questions. She has become colder since I saw her yesterday. When I asked her to sing with me.

 _Hmm. I wonder why._

I drop my voice. Hoping she can see the gravity of the situation I'm explaining to her. "Trust me, you will kill yourself if you don't let me help you."

That gets me a reaction. A laugh bubbles out of her. Growing bitter and colder by the time she finally says something.

"I have no idea why would you think that. Unless you want me to kill myself? Are you putting ideas in my head, Christian? You must really hate me."

I go to stand in front of her. Grabbing her shoulders roughly, I shake her. "I'm trying to save you, you stupid woman."

She throws me an alluring smile. Mocking me. Her hands settle on my chest. I know what she is doing. Letting me know my proximity doesn't affect her. Her body language presenting her to be in charge.

"And how do you think you're going to save me?"

I don't back down from the challenge she offers. I bend forward. My lips tease her earlobe. I pay close attention to her response. She stops breathing when my tongue darts out. Licking her soft skin.

My voice is no more than a whisper. "Sing with me. Be my ally. We can help each other."

Another frosty laugh. But the fine tremors running through her body give her away.

"That's your solution?" she asks. "I've already told you, Christian Grey. I'm not falling for your games."

"Not a game. I know you crave the violence. Destruction keeps you lucid. The only way you can sleep at night. Without suffering from the nightmares that keep you bound to that basement."

Her body goes rigid. I think she might push me away. Get defensive the way she did outside Ms. Bradley's office.

Rather, she says. "Go on. I'm listening."

I've got her attention now. So I say the words I wish someone has said to me three years ago.

"I know the battle you fight with yourself. Every day. Every night. Every second of your life. No one gets what you're going through. The most they can do is pity you. Sympathize with your suffering. But their condolences won't heal you."

Her eyes are dilating. She gets lost in my words. They provide her with relief. I bring my hand up, brushing a bouncy curl away from her cheek. She cups my face in her small hands. Pulling me to her.

I get a sense of deja-vu. Things have changed so much since the night we met. I stay still as she leans into me. Our noses are brushing against each other.

"What will heal me, Christian?" she sounds desperate to know.

I almost don't want to break it to her, but I do. "Nothing will. All you can do is let go. Let all of it out. Do whatever it takes to breathe easier. I will be there with you. Every step of it."

Unable to resist, I kiss her. My mouth fuses with her like it was meant to be. Two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together. Her tongue enters my mouth, licking and exploring her way in. I open up for her.

The instant our tongues meet, I lose it. All my nerve endings start firing up. Creating a raw sensation that gives too much pleasure it turns painful.

I don't feel this way holding my guitar or brawling in the streets. All my emotions come flying at me. Making it too much for me to handle. I jerk away from her. And that's where it goes wrong.

I just fucked up. Repeated the history. I open my eyes, not realizing when I'd closed them. My mouth opens to apologize. Her laughter beats me to it. She sounds crazier.

"Didn't know you had it in you. Fucking Greyhound." She exhales harshly, her voice mocking. "But I'm amazed. You almost got to me, man. Almost"

"What?" I ask, bewildered.

"Clearly you've been stalking me. Again. You know I don't let anyone touch me. You saw me flinch when you ran into me the other day, and you figured it out. Am I right?"

So far she was spot on. Not ashamed to admit I've been stalking her, I nod. Wanting to know where she's going with this.

"So you try a different tactic to get close to me. It almost worked, I have to admit. But I saw through it even before we kissed. Hate to break it to you, I've seen Black Mirror."

I have no idea what she's talking about. Because she can read me so well, she understands my perplexed state.

"You drew me into a conversation. Making me believe we two are against the world and all that kind of bullshit to grab my attention. I know it all, Christian. I didn't fall for it."

Now she went completely off the track. I had no intentions of kissing her when I came to talk to her. She's the one who brought me in this room. The kiss would've never happened if we'd talked somewhere semi-private or public. She knows that.

"Then why did you kiss me back?" I call her bluff.

She tilts her head. A smug look on her face.

"Christian Grey, the lucidity you talk about? Only you suffer to hold onto it. I sleep just fine at night. You told me to keep my mask on, remember? I was just showing you how well I can wear it. I don't need your help."

Is that true? She was pretending with me? I'm not sure. She does wear her disguise quite well.

Her eyes turn lethal. "Come near me again and I'll turn this White Christmas episode into reality by killing you. You'll see how violent I can really get, you motherfucking greyhound. I'm not a fucking schizophrenic!"

She leaves, I scratch my head. Realizing I'm doing a very human thing. I have no idea about half the things she said. This did not go as planned. Beguiling her into agreeing did not work. I missed an important factor here.

I thought I was prepared to be emotionally intimate to get her to trust me. I'd miscalculated that while helping her deal with her madness, I had to keep myself in check too. I couldn't let her affect me.

But it seemed impossible to keep my emotions at bay being near her. Perhaps, intimacy and seduction was a bad idea. That left me with Plan B. Confrontation and threats. Possibly blackmailing too. I didn't want it to come to this. But I have no other choice now.

 _Here it goes, Ana. Gear up._

I walk into the cafeteria. Knowing I would find her there. She is talking to Mia. Telling her to save her a seat. Picking up a tray, she moves to stand in the line. I go to her.

She huffs, "this is really becoming unhealthy, Christian. You know, I can sue you for stalking and harassing me."

"Go ahead. File a complaint. I just wanted to show you something before that."

I let the dog tag dangle from my fist. The chain swings, wrapped around my fingers. She peeks at the name written on it. Her entire body freezes. Her face shuts down, turning stony.

"You're sloppy, Ana. The way you buried him. Your DNA must be all over him." I smile darkly. "You should make a body disappear the right way."

She looks around. Making sure no one else is listening. "I don't know what you're talking about. Leave before I make a call to my father that will make your life a living, breathing nightmare. I know you're hiding here for a reason, Christian. I wonder what happens when your face is displayed all over the news."

I shrug carelessly. "You do that and your name will also make the headlines. Daughter of mayor, enjoys killing dogs. Gotta be more interesting than me being a stalker."

Her rising temper is setting is body ablaze. The tremors are back. Only much more visible this time. She is shaking badly. Her fists are white-knuckled.

"Did you know Olivia's been crying about her missing dog all morning? What happens when she finds Diablo buried just a mile away from your house?" I goad her further.

"Leave it, Christian."

"And you sleep just fine, right? Is this what helps you sleep? Slaughtering animals?"

I see the moment her self-restraint snaps. She slaps me. Hard. The sound of it is loud enough for the whole cafeteria to go silent. All eyes are on us.

She smirks. "Your call, Christian. Prove it to me that you're worth it."

Bemused by her words, I don't see the three halfwits coming at me until they have got me surrounded.

"What's going on here?" One of them asks. Paul Hoffman. "Ana, are you okay? Is this freak giving you trouble?"

Her face contorts in distress. "I'm fine," she murmurs shakily. Feigning her twitches now. "Just tell him to go away."

"You heard her, Grey. Move along." Paul's friend says dismissively.

I get her play now. What she meant by proving myself. She is smart. Luring me in her trap while I try to validate myself in her eyes. She thinks I'll chicken out, wanting to stay obscure.

Anastasia Steele isn't aware that I think to reflect through every outcome thoroughly. Yes, I will get in trouble. For her. But I will also get out of it. By using her. Giving her a sly smile, I put the dog tag back in my pocket. Silently conveying her my message.

 _Game on, Ana._

I play my part. Moving forward, I brush my hand against her arm. "Look Ana, you have to liste-"

"DON'T! Don't you dare touch me!" She jumps back, yelling. Clearly going for the theatrics.

"Get away from her, asshole" Paul pushes me lightly. "I won't tell you again."

I hold her gaze. "I'm not going anywhere until you listen to me, Ana."

Paul chortles. "Suit yourself."

His knuckles fly at me. But I block him. Holding his wrist, I shove him away. It's enough to make him almost trip over the third boy. It angers him. He comes back with more force. Only to be pushed back harder by me.

Some of his teammates come and join the trio. Forming a circle. They proceed to attack me. I stop holding back and let go. The fight entices the outlet of my rage.

One of them tries to smash a bowl of guacamole in my face. I duck just in time to see it landing on some guy behind me. Covered with green paste, he curses and picks another bowl. This one full of sour cream. He throws it back. But his aim is worse than the first one.

The cream goes spilling on Leila. She squeals. Whining and crying about her hair. Her newest boyfriend gets up. Retaliates by dumping his drink on Mr. Sour Cream who smacks it away. The can flies to another table.

Meanwhile, I'm blocking and dodging. Hitting anyone who comes in my way. Soon, no one is solely focused on hitting me anymore. Everyone is busy smacking anyone. A food fight has exploded among the girls. The guys are tradings punches and kicks.

I'm sneakily making my way out of the mess when I see her. Right around the corner. Untouched by the mayhem, Anastasia Steele surveys the madness. Standing there, in all her glory. Mesmerized and almost giddy.

She takes out her earbuds. Sticking them in. Puts on a melody through her phone. Whatever she is listening has her going all dreamy while she takes in the sight in front of her. I step closer. She sees me. Places one of the earbuds in my ear.

I recognize the song. _Glory and Gore_ by Lorde plays out. Her eyes meet mine. I return her crazy smile with my own deranged grin. She got what she wanted. I proved myself to her. I gave her the barbarity she craves.

"Try my way. Let's hop in, shall we?" I nod at the circus our canteen has turned into. Her eyes are glinting. Flickering between me and what's behind me. Making up her mind, she runs into the chaos. Laughing, she begins throwing the food around.

I take her place. Standing in the corner. Watch her get lost in the chaos she has created. I chuckle.

 _The game has just begun._

"Christian Grey, it has been only a month into your senior year and this is already the second time your name has come up for engaging in a fight in the school premises."

Ms. Bradley announces. Signifying her disappointment. "You're lucky Principal Wallace has been busy with a meeting. Else you would've been dealing with him, not me."

Being the guidance counselor, she is the third person to know about my condition. In fact, she was the one who sent me for a psychological evaluation. The results only confirmed what I knew from the start. Sucks that she knows it too.

Unlike Ethan and Jose, I don't trust her with my secret. Even though she does her best to keep me out of trouble. Especially at times like this. She takes my matters into her own hands rather than letting Principal Wallace deal with it.

Also, Ms. Bradley was better at handling these kinds of situations. Considering this is claimed to be a sensitive issue due to the involvement of the infamous Anastasia Steele. I fully intend to use this sensitivity to my advantage. I'm not done playing yet.

"Ms. Bradley, clearly, there's some confusion. Anastasia and I were given an assignment in Psychology today. Wanted to discuss it with her. She misunderstood." I give her my most charming smile. Blinking innocently.

It works on Ms. Bradley. She regards the girl sitting next to me. "Is that what really happened, Anastasia?"

The subject of concern opens her mouth. At the very moment, I _accidentally_ drop something at her feet. "Oops. Sorry about that."

I bend down. Retrieve the dog tag quickly. Placing it in back in my pocket. The wooden desk has Ms. Bradley's view blocked. She probably assumed I dropped a pencil or something.

Ana gives me a side glare. Smiles politely at the counselor. "I guess so. He said he wanted to talk about the assignment. Maybe I just got a little spooked. You know, with everything going on. It's been a little inundated."

Ms. Bradley nods with commiseration. My face muscles twitch as I hide my smile.

 _Want to have a pity party? I'm happy to serve._

"I apologize," I say flatly. "And I get it. You're finding it hard to adapt. Senior year is rough. Plus you got your own issues. That's why I followed you to the cafe. Wanted to say sorry. Your friends attacked me. They're really protective of you."

Ana is getting annoyed. Not liking that I've put her in a spot. She has to fake sadness on my demand. She's hates that I'm taking the lead. Controlling her act.

Whereas, Ms. Bradley seems happy that I'm empathizing. "Well, I'm glad there is nothing to worry about. Christian is a great young man, Anastasia. I'm sure if you give him a chance, he can be a great friend to you."

I smirk at her. _You should really listen to her, Ana._

"Mr. Grey, thank you for being so considerate of the situation. Next time, please approach a woman more carefully. And don't _ever_ touch a girl without her permission, ever. Your intentions might be pure but sometimes it can cause harm. And no more fights. I will have words with Mr. Hoffman and his friends about this too. Is there anything else you two would like to discuss?"

We both shake our head. Ms. Bradley questions Ana one more time, to be sure. I can see how it annoys her. She clenches her fingers. Trying to resist choking our counselor. It almost makes me laugh.

 _Who knew watching this new Ana can be so entertaining?_

Once we step out, she shoulders me. Passing by swiftly. Trying to escape. But my words stop her yet again.

"There is no body. I burnt it. Dumped the ashes and the bones in the lake."

She becomes inexpressive. "You played me."

I reply, "to prove a point."

"What point?"

"You need me, Ana. I can help you." I pace ahead. Stopping when I'm right in her face. Fishing the chain out of my pocket, I open my palm to her. Giving her a peace offering.

My other thumb wipes a smudge of mayo from her chin. "You want to keep fighting and hating me? Or you want to join me and hate others?"

She gives me a crooked smile, daring me as she takes the last piece of evidence out of my hand. Rising on her toes, she kisses me. A quick peck on my lips. Her smile turns devilish as she walks away.

"Oh, Christian. Why can't I do both?"

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 **Boom, boom, boom! What do you think of this chapter? Do you like Ana's character or do you hate it so far? What about Christian? Do you think they're going to actually help each other or just be explosive together? LET ME KNOW YOU THOUGHTS!**

 **In the next chapter, I'll be taking you guys to a flashback of how Christian and Ana met for the first time. The style of the chapter might be a little confusing for you, but bear with me, you'll get it after a while. You know how much I love creating suspense, haha.**

 **Enjoy the day of love! And DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!**

 **See you in two weeks, love ya all,**

 **~Kaishi xoxo**


	5. Five - Anastasia

**Hey guys! Sorry for being late, I had my midterms going on. But the good news is I'm on my spring break with no big plans, so my majority of time is gonna be spent writing! So now I'm gonna catch up with my writing schedule.**

 **Also, this chapter is rather short - intentionally so, most of the flashback chapters are going to shorter than the average length of the chapter. But I'm g** **oing to make it up to you guys for late update and short chapter by uploading a new chapter this Friday.**

 **Please note, you will probably feel very confused reading this chapter, the timeline and writing style might not be comprehensive but bear me with me, it's intended to be confusing. You know how much I love making my readers scratch their heads, haha.**

 **If you have any theories or predictions, go ahead! I welcome you guys to write it in the reviews. Just don't run out of patience and it will be rewarding when you get all the answers as the story progresses. I've got some great plans for Ana & Christian. **

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters but the plot line is all mine.

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Chapter 5

Ana

 _You both are said to bring out the worst in each other._

It's bullshit. Not true at all.

 _So, you're saying there were times when you were together and not indulge in any dangerous or overwhelming activities?_

We had sex. A lot of it. No one was harmed. Well, not really.

 _That is an extremely overwhelming activity_.

Well, we wrote a few songs together. Made some music too.

 _Still considered overwhelming. Especially given the intensity of your music. Any other time you can recall?_

Yes. In fact, I do.

 _Tell me about it._

It was the first time we met each other...

 _I'm not sure if that counts. Your counselor said you rather had a strong reaction when he bumped into you._

No not the first time after I was rescued. The first time we met.

 _When was that?_

Freshmen year. I was fourteen. Still new in the town.

 _Take your time. Begin whenever you're ready._

I can't even.

 _Yes, you can._

No. I mean, that's what I was thinking when I met him...

 _I can't even._ I think as I run into the woods.

It's been hardly two months and I already hate it here.

People constantly judge me here. Nothing I could ever do lives up to their expectations. I came here with an open mind, not wanting to be affected by how Hollywood portrays the small towns to be. Guess I was wrong.

People here have already decided to treat me like an outcast. They call me City Girl with distaste clear in their expressions. As if living in a city was a crime. They won't even say my actual name.

I miss the city life. No one cared what I did or how I acted. Yet people saw me. Smiled at me. Talked to me. I was free and happy there. Here, this town makes me feel invisible and unwanted. Ignored and undesirable.

Pushing my feet harder against the grass, I try not to give in my urge to burst into the tears. I shouldn't let them affect me like this.

But they were already getting to me. Everywhere I went, I would only be met with disdain looks and forced smiles. What did I ever do wrong to these people? Do they even know me enough to treat me like this?

High school is worse. No one wants to interact with me. All the popular kids make fun of me, the new kid. They laugh at me because I wear jeans and hoodie to school every day. Winters are approaching and being anemic while having hypothyroidism makes the weather intolerable for me. I can't help it.

I shouldn't give a damn. But here I am. All alone.

I can't even say I don't care because I do. How can I not when I don't have anyone to talk to? Only Mia talks to me. She seems nice enough. But she usually hangs out with Leila and Jack. I don't think I can count on her having my back.

"You run any harder you're going to pass out." A voice calls out just a few steps away from me. I jump, shrieking in surprise.

A guy around my age steps out of the shadows. His hands go up in the air "Whoa, easy."

He's not from here, I can tell by his glowing olive skin. He has dark copper messy hair and deep grey eyes that makes my heart skip a beat. His lips are fuller than most men's and so red he could compete with Shawn Mendes and probably win.

I shake my head, trying to focus. "Who are you? And what are you doing here?"

"I'm Christian Grey. New to the town. I just started high school here. Seen you around in some classes."

"I mean what are you doing here the woods? No one comes here at this hour."

He stares, wanting to get a read at me. "Is that why you're here? To be alone? I could leave you to it if you want."

I usually run here because of that very reason. No one is here to judge me and I need to let out all my frustration. But I didn't want to be alone at the moment, now that he's brought it up.

"You didn't answer me. Why are you here?"

He shrugs."I like to get away too. People are a little overwhelming." _Tell me about it._ "Also, saw you running. You looked sad."

My eyebrows crease in suspicion "You saw me? In the dark?"

"Watching you since you entered the woods. I was just a few feet away from you. You were lost in your thoughts, you didn't see me."

"You were watching me?" I glare at him. "Well, that's not creepy or anything."

"You looked sad, almost about to cry. It made me curious." He answers in a monotone like it's perfectly acceptable to watch someone because they look sad.

"So you're one of those. The self-appointed paparazzi of the town. Getting a show out of watching me having a breakdown? You brought some popcorn with you?"

Too bad he's a loser like all of them. He's kinda cute.

His gaze turns deeper, his voice remains flat. "Negative. I was curious. What could make a girl like you so upset? Was figuring it out by observing you. I'm not very good at being social."

"What do you mean girl like me?" I ask him.

"A girl who's beautiful and strong like you. A girl whose father looks at her like she means the world to him."

My breath gets stuck in my throat. I don't know what was weirder. Him saying I'm strong when I'm crumbling inside or the fact he's also seen me with my dad. Which means this definitely wasn't his first time watching me. _Stalker alert!_

"You think I'm beautiful?" The wrong question comes out.

 _What the hell is wrong with me? That's not even important._

He smiles faintly. Damn, he is gorgeous! "I think you're an exquisite vision. How has anyone not noticed you at school and asked you on a date yet is beyond me."

He appears to be genuinely confused. I can't tell if he's bullshitting me or not. But I indulge him, enjoying this.

"Isn't it obvious?" I give him a sad smile. "They all hate me. I'm an outsider."

He steps closer. "I know what you're talking about. They look at me that way too. Like an outsider. Don't worry, they'll warm up to you soon."

I laugh bitterly. "I doubt that's gonna happen." Looking up at him, stepping closer myself. "How do you not let it affect you? You seem pretty sure of yourself. Don't you hate it?"

Christian looks straight into my eyes as he struggles with his words. I get the feeling he's thinking how much he should let me know.

"I don't hate it," he says softly. "I'm not like you. I like being invisible. In my own world. You're different. Opposite of me."

He's right. I don't want to be invisible. It makes me feel worthless. "So you like to keep it to yourself. You don't care about others' opinions. That's very brave of you. I wish I could be like you."

Christian objects, "putting yourself out there is braver. You don't shut the world out. I wish I could be like you."

"Why do you want to be like me?" I step closer. We are just inches away from each other. There's a beat of silence that has my heart thumping before he answers me.

"Maybe then I could feel something."

I don't know what he means by that but the way he says it, with a flat defeat, my heart breaks for him.

A tear slides down to my cheek. Christian follows its trail. He looks strangely captivated by it. Bringing his hand up, his fingers stroke my face. I stop breathing, feeling the electricity from his touch warming my insides. Just a simple touch and he's left me breathless.

He retreats his hand after catching the teardrop. He looks at it intently, examining it. Then his eyes crash into mine again. I lift my hand steadily, my movements are slow as to not spook him. He doesn't object as I cup his cheek.

I know he could feel the current flowing between us. He stands there stiff and surprised before leaning into my touch, slowly leaning into me.

"Do you feel something right now?" I ask him in a hushed tone. His eyes roam around my face, focusing at every feature until they lower down to my lips. Staying there.

"No," he blurts out. Disappointment spreads like a disease through me but then he continues.

"Not something. I feel a lot of things right now. All of it at the same time." His breathing becomes audibly heavier, he struggles visibly. "I've never felt this. I'm confused."

Everything screams in me to cover the gap between our lips. To make him feel a lot more. Just as I'm about to act on it, he jerks away from me. He grabs his hair, looking dazed like he's coming out of his stupor.

"The fuck," he swears harshly and my knees quake in response. He could've punched me and it would've hurt less. Tears rapidly roll down my eyes, I bite my lips from screaming. My impending break down now coming in full force.

Too ashamed by his rejection, I start running the way I came from. I won't let him see me like this. Maybe unknowingly, but he added fuel to the fire. It was going to explode soon and he didn't need to see it.

 _How cruel can you be, universe? You give me hope for a hot minute just to snatch it back from me?_

"Ana wait!" He calls out but I ignore him.

My vision turning blurry as tears fill up my eyes quicker. I'm running out of breath by the time I reach the end of the woods. I know I should stop and take some rest. Instead, I run harder, close to hitting the road.

Footsteps sound closer to me as Christian yells, "Stop. Just listen to me."

I can't. I'm not sure if I could take it anymore. His reasoning, his excuse, his lies. He said I was beautiful and exquisite but he turned me down when I tried to kiss him. He's just like them. Mocking me, making a joke out of me.

I turn my head to see how far behind he is, still running hard when he screams.

"ANA WATCH OUT!"

Instinctively, I turn back to look ahead of me but it's too late. Two big and rounded lights blindside me, growing bigger and bigger until they come right at me. Clashing and sending me into the darkness.

 _Headlights_ \- my sluggish mind thinks before going completely blank.

 _That was both overwhelming and dangerous. I don't think that memory counts at all._

That was hardly overwhelming. And the accident was purely caused by outer circumstances. I'd say it was a perfectly apt memory for what you asked me to describe.

 _You had a close encounter where you could've been severely harmed because you were distracted by him. As I said, it's overwhelming and dangerous._

Fine, whatever you say. But this doesn't prove we bring out the worst in each other.

 _It does, actually. Both of you seem to lose your senses around each other. It ends up in one of you getting hurt or you both causing something bad._

That's not true. Something good came out if it too. We wrote some pretty good songs together. People loved our shows. No harm was done there.

 _Moving on, Christian says he's only felt guilty and worried twice in his life. The first time was when he met you. Your story gives me a better perception of that. Do you know what was the second incident?_

No. I've got no idea. But now that you mention it, I am curious to know.

 _He won't talk to me about it. Maybe you could ask him._

Even if he tells me, which I doubt he won't, seeing as he hates me now more than ever, I won't rat him out to you.

 _Fair enough. So what happened next? How badly were you hurt? And why does no one else seem to know about this?_

I passed out after crashing with the car. The asshole drove away, not bothering to see if they'd killed me. Christian picked me up, took me to a warehouse nearby. I had some minor wounds he tended to and a big concussion that kept me out for good.

When I woke up, he told me what had happened, how to take precautions for my head, then kicked me out. He avoided me like plague after that. No one knew 'cause no one cared. I kept my wounds hidden until they healed.

 _Why did he take you to a warehouse instead of ER?_

He was scared he'll get noticed. He was on the run from his family.

 _Did they ever find him eventually?_

Yes, they did. And I was the one to pay the price for that.

* * *

 **What do you guys think? Were you expecting something like this for Ana-Christian's first meeting? Or something simpler? Maybe more volatile? How far do you think they've come from how they used to be to each other? Let me know your thoughts, I would love to get an insight into my characters by my readers. It helps me in developing the plot.**

 **See you on Friday. And DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!**

 **Love ya all,**

 **~Kaishi xoxo**


	6. Six - Christian

**So as promised, here is the new chapter. And you're all in for a treat because this is not only the longest chapter I've written so far, it is an extremely complicated chapter and the one that I've enjoyed writing the most so far. I really hope you guys enjoy it just as much. Not only Ana is downfalling, but Christian is also getting his own character development and a bit of back story which you all were seeking to know.**

 **I've always given a free-ground to my character to take their own shape and personality throughout the story. Ana is quite predictable to me, at the same time extremely impulsive, reckless and unpredictable. Christian, however, had a very straight forward sociopathic personality in my mind. But his revelations at the end of the chapter were as much shocking to me as it might be to you, and I lived that!**

 **The story is going to get very complex from this point onwards and I need your guys' opinion very badly to get an insight into my story. The more reviews I get, the more descriptive they are, they help me in developing the plot. so far I've loved each and every review you guys have posted. I am flabbergastered by how you guys try to analyze the characters and their personal plot, please keep doing that. You guys are the best!**

 **Happy Reading!**

 **P.S - I had to change Elena's last name from Lincoln (as it is in Fifty Shades trilogy) to Chapman because I realized I've already named Ana's former kidnapper as Lincoln.**

* * *

Chapter 6

Christian

 ** _"Clouded and hazy future clear whenever I'm with you. Just think of all the things we could do to pass the time." - The Rapture._**

The gurgling sounds are grating my nerves.

I exhale through my nose. Willing myself to stay calm.

She's doing it on purpose. Slurping up the last few drops of her milkshake through her straw. Noisily sucking at the air. It's extremely unpleasant and infuriating. I tell her to stop.

Ana's response is to blink innocently. She says it helps her think. Not caring that I can't concentrate. In fact, she sucks on her straw louder.

The only reason she is doing this is to get my attention. Anastasia Steele is a natural attention-seeker. She may not even realize what she is doing.

I go back to watching him. He's sitting two seats down from us. Eating and talking with his friends. Not aware of being the unfortunate one to have captured our focus.

"Paul Hoffman," I state our subject's name. "The famous quarterback. Star of the town."

"An athlete with a drug addiction," she contributes to my narration. "All his close friends know and no one rats him out. No one knows outside the circle either, surprisingly."

Only two reasons a secret stays a secret. You either earn your friends' loyalty. Or their fear. Hoffman is not the former one. His friends don't stick with him because they like him.

The power he holds. The fear he maintains over them. That's the real reason for his popularity. For his team's support.

"A girl killed herself over him, last year," Ana announces.

"Really?" I drawl. Not really caring.

She tells me anyway. "She was a naive prude. Virgin from a super religious family. He bagged her over some stupid dare. Had to chase her to give it to him. Next day she saw him kissing another girl in the school. A week later, she slit her wrists."

I did hear about the girl who killed herself. About a year ago. Nobody knew the reason, though. Another one of the town's mystery.

"How come this never came out? And why do you know so much?" I ask her. Now becoming curious.

Ana tells me about the girl's family. Hoffman's parents paid them to bury the mess. They were too ashamed she had premarital sex and then committed suicide.

"She was never given a proper Catholic burial, with all that Church and suicide conflicts. As for your other question," she throws me a twisted grin. "I know this because I'm the girl he was kissing."

I tease her. "So you were an accomplice."

The smile turns devilish, twisting her lips further. Dragging my attention to them. I want to kiss them again. Do more than kissing. A lot of sinful things.

Her gaze narrows, becoming distant. We're both watching him now. Her tone stays unaffected as she replies.

"Unknowingly, but yes. I guess I was."

Interesting. Makes sense why we are plotting against him. Not because Ana is avenging the pathetic girl who killed herself.

Hoffman had used Ana to shut down a girl. It led her to commit suicide. A month later, Ana had started dating Paul. The news had gone viral. Unbeknownst to her and almost everyone else, he was also fucking Leila alongside. I caught them a couple of times. In the locker room shower.

Hoffman and Leila officially got together a week after Ana was kidnapped. The real reason Ana has been so interested in him today. She must've caught up with Mia. Now she wants her revenge. He made a fool of her. I could see the wheels spinning inside her head.

"I get a girl killed. Then I kill a dog. I'm the new American Psycho." Her joke falls flat when I don't react. She huffs. "What are we doing here again?"

My eyes remain focused on him. "Thought you said we're getting back at him."

"Is it working by staring at him,? Oh, look! He's turning into stone. Nice work, Medusa."

I ignore her sassy remark. "I find it constructive to look at someone when I'm plotting against them."

"Oh my goodness," Ana fakes a gasp. "Christian Grey just uttered a complete sentence!"

She goes on when I continue ignoring her. "I could fuck his best friend. Aaron will be happy, Paul will be horrified. I'll get to watch them fight over me and if you bring popcorn, you can also watch. See? It's a win-win."

My jaw ticks. "Not going to happen."

She frowns. "Why not? Surely you can't be jealous."

Not jealous. I feel absolutely murderous that she'd even suggest sleeping with a fuckwit. It was maddening and strange to feel this way.

"First, it's immature. Second, why do you think Hoffman will care? Guys don't have the ex-codes, do they?"

Ana looks perplexed. "You're asking me how guys work? Shouldn't you know that better?"

 _I'm not like them. Got no clue how this guy thing works. Thought you knew that about me, Ana._

But that's not what I say. "Best way to get revenge is when they don't know who got to them. More enjoyable to watch. They begin losing their mind. Start suspecting everyone."

She stays quiet for a long time. Watching me curiously. Full of unasked questions.

"Alright," she finally speaks. "I'll indulge. What do you propose?"

I tell her my plan. She listens without interrupting once, surprisingly. Her eyes are twinkling. Like they did yesterday when she saw the cafeteria go crazy. I know she likes the I plan because she gets up. Intending to execute it. But I grab her hand. She looks irritated with.

"This one is mine. My scheme. My strategy. Thus, my show. You sit out and enjoy your popcorn," I tell her.

Ana growls about wanting to be a part of it. She also wants to watch the show from the front row. So I placate her. I tell her what part she will play. How to prepare for it. Then, I promise her a VIP pass. And I ask her one more thing.

"Kiss me."

She refuses. "No. You really need to stop touching me, Christian. Especially in front of others. They'll follow your lead."

I look up at her. "I'll gladly keep them all away from you."

"Huh. Didn't peg you for sweet nothings. Let me go. Now."

A few heads turn our way. They're watching us. Curious to know what's going on. Paul is looking at us too. His face all screwed up.

There aren't many students in the cafeteria today. Most of them are avoiding the area. Probably because of yesterday. Doesn't matter. The rumors will be spread pretty soon.

I gently tug her closer. "It's for the show," I whisper. "Kiss me and leave. He'll get jealous. Would come here. Either to talk or to threaten. I'll handle the rest. Now kiss me like you mean it."

Bending forward, she does so. Our mouths merge. Breaths mingle. Tongues blend together. The sparks are back. Detonating behind my shut lids.

I thought she'll just give me a brief kiss and leave. But I challenged her to mean it. So she's proving it to me. Grabbing my hair, pulling me to her. As though, she can't get enough of me.

Have to admit. She's a good actor. There are times I can't tell reality apart from her sham. Substantially, at times like this. But I pretend this isn't a performance to her. That she is as much into our kiss as I am.

Our moment breaks up soon. My eyes are softer when looking at her. She, somehow, remains composed and unreadable. Without another word, she leaves.

 _Why does she affect me so much? Why can't I influence her like that?_

A few minutes later, the chair she was sitting on screeches. Paul Hoffman is taking a seat. The fact he is sitting with me instead of hovering indicates he's not picking a fight. I don't know if he's smart or a coward. Maybe both.

I take my own sweet time acknowledging him. Paying more attention to the muffin I'm eating.

"Yo, Grey," he calls me out. His tone is hesitant.

Taking a few bites, I place my muffin back in the tray. Then I look at him. Not saying a word. My expressions are dull.

He swallows visibly. His throat bobbing. "I, uh, I saw Ana kissed you. I'm confused here, man. She was screaming at you yesterday, freaking out. What's going on?"

A few moments go by before I reply. "Should've minded your business. We were solving issues."

"So you guys are a thing?" He doesn't wait for my answer. "Obviously you are if she kissed you in front of me. Not even caring we used to date."

 _Why should she? The world doesn't revolve around you._

Shaking his head, he goes on. "I can't believe I jumped in a fight for her. I look like an idiot now. Hope you don't hold it personally, Grey."

"All cool." Then I'm eating my muffin again. Leaving him to take a read on me.

"You don't speak much, do ya?" he asks.

"Don't like wasting words."

Hoffman nods as though he understands. He doesn't. "So what's going on with her? Why is she acting so erratic?"

Brusquely, I say, "she's still struggling a bit. To adjust."

"Must be hard for her with all those rumors going around. Do you think any of them might be true? About her?" he pokes.

A week has passed since Ana started school again. Three weeks since she was rescued. After being hospitalized for two weeks to recover from her injuries, she rejoined high school.

Whereas the others who were rescued are yet to step out of their homes. Some are still in shock. Won't talk to anyone, families included.

Not once has she had a melt-down. Doesn't get spooked easily. Shows no sign of having suffered through hell. There are times when she freaks out. But those are the calculated acts.

She can't look like nothing happened. People will become suspicious otherwise. They're already making theories on Ana's deviation. It's spreading like a plague across the town.

One theory is that she is in denial. Ignoring what happened to her. A plausible explanation I'd say. If she wants them to think so, she's on the right track.

The second theory suggests she is moving on. Being brave. Not letting his abuse affect her. I might have believed that. Except he is still out there.

They never caught him. Sir Robert Lincoln ran before the authorities were able to break in. He stabbed Ana when she tried to stop him. A statewide manhunt has been issued.

I don't why would Mayor let Ana come back without any additional security. Allow her to be out in the open when her captor is on the loose. She's stupid to return. Ana must herself know it's not safe yet.

Unless she's gone so far she doesn't feel any fear either. Even of him, her torturer. That can be worrisome.

"Whoever thought so is a douchebag," I reply to Paul's question. And to the latest theory, the town has come up with.

Ana was held captive for the shortest time. The fact made people assume she endured the least amount of torture. Thus her recovery time was short too.

It's true that she was indeed the last one to be kidnapped. It got serious after she went missing. Wasn't filed as runaway this time. She was the sweetheart of our high school. Popular and wanted. Had great friends and a loving father.

Every single man on the force got involved in the search of the lost princess of the town. Six months later, she was found. With the twelve other previously missing victims.

"I agree, man," Hoffman says. "That is some sick shit. I don't think she is that crazy. It's not her fault anyway who that sick fucker chose to do what with."

During the investigations, it was discovered that all of the other twelve were beaten and raped. It was all over the news. Their abductor had mutilated and forced them to have non-consensual sex with each other. To perform for the cameras.

All except for Ana. Due to some reason, Ana remained untouched. He never let anyone touch her. Only made his thirteenth captive watch. His special way of torturing her. The Sheriff was told he used to call her his favorite.

After Jack called her his whore, some townsfolk believe she formed a bond with her ex-captor. As to why she suffered the least. The newest theory. They despise her for not suffering like their children, siblings or friends did. That she got off easier.

Focusing on the task at hand, I ask Hoffman about Elena. He looks dumbfounded. Having no idea what I'm talking about.

"Ethan said she has a thing for you. Watches you during practice. A lot. That's why they broke up."

Paul's eyes widen. "Really? I didn't know. I mean she's a hot chick and all. But I'll be so fucked if things go wrong."

"Say you date her. How bad can it be?"

He laughs. "Who says I wanna date her? But that's what she'll expect once we fuck, cuz she's a girl. And not just any girl, she is the coach's daughter. I'll get benched or something."

I snort dismissively. "Not the end of the world. You're a star player. Team's riding on you. The school will do anything to keep you on the team."

And just when he's gloating, I throw in the bonus factor. "Besides, Ethan said she's kinky. Likes it rough."

Not the usual kind of rough sex though. She became a sadist over the summer. Ethan was scarred. He now has to think twice before taking a girl to his bed.

Hoffman probably thinks she just likes being pushed around or getting spanked. He has no idea.

"Yeah I've heard she's pretty wild like that." He chuckles. "I think you're about the team too. The law's kinda easy on the athletes."

He continues, "this college dude was recently arrested for driving on a suspended license, had drugs on him too. But an important ACC Coastal game was coming up so they let him go. Just like that. Maybe I can be like him someday."

 _What a great idol to have, Hoffman._

I nod. "I see. Ana said Coach is going to her place this Sunday. For dinner with the mayor. I say you guys do it then."

He regards me with new eyes. "You know, you're different from what I thought. You're cool. We can be friends. I think I underestimated you."

 _Everyone does, Paul. You're not the only one._

I can see why Ana enjoys playing them fool. Making them think she's a harmless little girl. I think I like it this way too.

"By the way, did Ethan ever tell you what she likes? In bed I mean? Any tips you can give me?" he asks.

So I tell him. As his new friend. I tell him how to approach Elena Chapman. How to surprise her. She's going to surprised all right. But he'll be shocked.

"I stand by my first opinion," she grumbles. "We should've sneaked into Campbell's terrace garden. It has a straight view of Chapman's. And easier to access."

My hands are on Ana's waist. I'm hoisting her up as she settles herself on the slopes of the roof. Holding on with a deadly grip.

Slowly she begins scrambling. Groaning, she awkwardly squats upward. "This is too much work."

"Or maybe you're scared."

I'm hoping she'll say yes. Giving me a sign she is feeling something at least. Her coldness has deteriorated over the weekend.

"Hah! You wish." She topples over the edge, landing on the roof. "I'm just annoyed with you. Now come on up."

Hopefully, she'll feel something besides that after tonight. Something more on a positive note.

I pull myself up and quickly climb my way to the top. Rolling, I land on my feet gracefully. Ana glares at me. If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under already.

"This was your idea of VIP passes? I can tell your show already sucks. We should've done this my way."

Disregarding her comment, I grab her hand. Pulling her to the other end. I take pleasure in knowing I'm the only one who can hold her like this. Even when talking to Mia at school, she maintains her distance.

However, there times when I have to be careful too. Like not catching her unaware. Or being too forward. Minutes ago when I had grabbed at her hips to lift her she'd flinched. Slightly, though it didn't go unnoticed by me.

Ana may turn off her emotions but her body still reacts to the proximity of another person. Showing she didn't come out of that basement completely unscathed.

Upon reaching the edge, I kneel behind the cemented parapet. Bringing her down with me. I point with my finger at Elena's bedroom. Just a few feet away and in the direct sight.

"Better perspective," I tell her. "The wall hides us from their view. We can see them, they can't. Could've been easily spotted in Campbell's garden."

Right on cue, Paul enters Elena's bedroom. Looking around to make sure no one saw him. Our show has begun.

"How did he get in there?" Ana contemplates, watching him untie his shoes.

"I thought he'll try sneaking in through the window. Climb on trees and break his neck in the process." She pouts. "He just walked in."

"Ethan said she often forgets to lock the front door whenever Coach is out."

"Huh," she muses. "I wonder if Sir Robert Lincoln knew that. She could've been his next victim."

My reaction is to gawk at her. This is the first time I have heard her speaking her abductor's name. No one else ever says his name out loud. Yet she uses it so negligently.

"What? I'm not calling him he-who-shall-not-be-named," she says in a deep mocking voice. "Only Lord Voldemort is too cool for that."

I don't know what to say. I'm lost. This girl keeps surprising me. I can't get a read on her. Everyone else around me is predictable. But her? Nothing.

Ana is a force of nature. As unexpected as Michigan's weather. It's becoming problematic. I will have to proceed with her blindly. I don't like unanticipated situations. She's dead set to cause more than one.

"What the fuck did you tell him to do, Christian? Why is he getting naked?"

Her question drags my eyes to Elena's room. Paul has stripped down to his boxers and is now getting in her bed.

"Told him she likes to find guys ready and waiting for her in the bed."

Ana asks me if that's true. I tell her it is, but not when it comes to Hoffman.

Truth is Elena Chapman despises Paul Hoffman. She thinks her father never notices her anymore because he's too focused on the star quarterback.

Elena became obsessed with hating Hoffman. She bitched about him all the time, even in the bed with Ethan. She would stalk him, watch him at the practices. Ethan broke up with her when she tried hurting him during sex, calling him Paul.

"You think he'd rape her?" she asks, sounding soporific.

I blanch inwardly. My outer response as calm as hers. "No Ana, he is not. You think that low of me?"

"Yes, I do. But, she doesn't deserve that."

"Oh look at you. Growing a conscience." I drag out every word. Yawning.

She frowns. Telling me this has got to do nothing with her conscience. She has none of it left.

"I just don't want it coming back to me in any way." She goes on, "this prank on Paul? I can find my way out of it but we won't be able to get out easily if we're an accessory to rape."

I add my input too. "Not to mention it'll be the second time. Another girl harmed by Paul. Because of you."

"I had nothing to do with the first one." Her glare spits fire. "He used me to get rid of her. I was unaware. So fuck you."

She shoves me. I don't move an inch. "You think I'm here because of what he did to her? That I'm some vigilante taking matters in my own hands?" Ana lets out a hysterical laugh.

"This is about me. He can fuck a thousand women and leave them to die. But he won't use me for that. He won't manipulate me ever again. No one ever will and that includes you too, Grey. Paul and Leila are going to pay back ten-fold."

The bedroom door opens. Our attention is diverted back to the scene. The argument was forgotten for the time being.

Elena walks in. Taking in the sight of Hoffman sitting naked on her bed, giving her a cocky smile. She shrieks at first. Naturally scared.

When she realizes who it is, her eyes go from scared to being rageful. Her breathing visibly harsher.

"Make that call, Ana. Now."

Ana fishes out a phone from her pocket while Elena points a finger at him. Appearing to be saying something. Oblivious to her anger, Paul gives her a flirty smile replying with a comment of his own. Whatever he said has got Elena riled up furthermore.

But then all of sudden she smiles. A batshit crazy smile. She strolls to her closet.

Ana dials on the phone. It looks exactly like the one she owns. Same model. Same color. Only, it's not really her phone.

"Mr. Chapman? There's a naked boy in your daughter's bedroom." She keeps her word brief. Disconnecting immediately afterward.

I tell her to look up. Not wanting to miss her reaction at what Elena took out of the wardrobe.

She squints. "Ropes? Why would a seventeen-year-old high school girl keep ropes in her closet?"

"Guess we all have our hidden skeletons" I reply, anticipating what's coming next.

Elena moves to the bed. Sliding over Paul. She takes his arms and ties them up. He looks hesitant yet holds his grins. Growing nervous when she ties his legs too.

Those are some good knots. I can tell from experience. He won't be getting out of them easily.

"Am I getting to see a live porn show? Mr. Chapman better hurry. Wait," Ana chortles. "Is that a whip? It looks a little different."

I recognize the tool at first glance. "Yes. A special kind of whip. Cat-o-Nine Tails. Hurts like a bitch."

"Huh." She murmurs distractedly. "How come you know that?"

 _Family business._ "A lot of BDSM porn," I lie.

"Typical men. Here I thought you're different, Christian."

I am. Very, very different. She knows it.

Paul is freaking out. Gaping at the whip like it's a venomous snake. He jerks his limbs. Attempting to break free. But as I said, the knots are well tied. Elena is standing over him. Screaming her lungs out. It's loud enough for us to hear.

"YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! MY FATHER, MY LIFE, MY FRIENDS. NO ONE LOOKS AT ME ANYMORE. IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU NOW."

With that, she strikes. Paul wails out in agony. Can't see clearly, but I think he's crying. Not caring, Elena continues whipping him. Strike after strike. On the chest, over the thighs, close to his groin. He can do nothing but take it.

I glance at Ana. She is not looking away, not feeling sick or wrong over what's happening. Her eyes are greedily soaking up the fucked-up scenario. She seems lost in it. Finally smiling.

A genuine heartfelt, peaceful smile. Nothing twisted or evil about it. It reaches up all the way to her eyes. A smile I would do anything to earn. Including slaughtering people.

"How are you doing Ana? Wanna call it off?" I ask her. Giving her a chance at sanity.

She shakes her had. "No way! Are you kidding? This is so beautiful." She exclaims gleefully.

Must be her night because the show gets better.

Chapman's speeding car comes to a halt in the driveway. He doesn't even bother parking his vehicle correctly. Just opens the door and rushes into the house screaming his daughter's name.

Elena curses when she hears him. Quickly takes the swiss knife from her nightstand and cuts through the ropes.

The moment he is free, Hoffman runs towards the stairs. All naked. Crying for help. He collides with Chapman as he enters the room.

He screams at Hoffman and then punches him. Hoffman goes down. But Chapman keeps punching and kicking at him. Yelling about daring to touch his daughter. Hoffman runs away, into the streets. Naked and bleeding.

Ana claps, jumping up and down. She looks at me with an infectious joy on her face.

"That was the best show ever. Good game, Christian." She abruptly leaps at me, hugging me.

I catch myself from falling. My arms coming around her body. I cup her face, laughing too now. Only with her do I feel this way. Happy and high on life.

"Oh my dear, Ana. I think your psyche is as tainted as mine."

She looks up, staring deep into her eyes. A smile permanently etched into her face. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," I tell her. "Nothing is wrong. We all have a tainted psyche."

"Bliss. I'm in a state of utter bliss."

She says as we watch the drama unfolds on Monday.

Paul Hoffman is officially out of the team. He lost one thing he truly cared about because he was sneaking into Coach Chapman's house, trying to fuck his daughter.

Coach automatically assumed the worst. Not caring Hoffman was babbling and probably peeing his pants.

The pictures are creating a buzz too. _Someone_ clicked the photos of the last night's clusterfuck and texted them to everyone.

Now they are posted on social media. Being shared via a few students who really hated him. It was Ana's idea. I can't take the credit for that one.

"Were you able to return Leila's phone?" I ask her, needing confirmation.

She nods, still watching Hoffman being a mess. He's talking to anyone who would listen. Attempting to tell his side of the story but no one pays him any mind. They all steer clear of him. Passing those familiar judgemental looks to each other.

"Yeah. I went back to the party last night. Switched back out phones. She was in one of the rooms with her boyfriend. Doubt she even noticed I took her phone in the first place."

That's good. Getting Leila's phone was also her idea. A convenient one since both of them had the same model. I'd just told her to arrange a way to call Coach Chapman without it being traced back to us.

Everything went just as planned. Actually better. Credits to Ana's improvisation.

"Welcome to our world, Paul Hoffman." Ana narrates, watching him lose his shit. "How does it feel to be on the other side?"

The bell for the first hour rings out. Ruining our fun.

Ana groans. "Ughh. spoilsport. I guess I'll see you in the class. That was fun. We should do this more, Grey."

"Wait. You owe me for last night."

"Not really," she replies. "But I'll still treat you for making me happy. Name your price."

I yell after her. "Today, 4 pm. At the school auditorium."

"What's happening there?"

"Another show. Just be there on time."

 _Except you'll be performing instead of watching this time, Ana._

She yells back an okay carelessly. Vanishing down the hallway.

I look at Paul. At last, freely smiling. I think back to the last year. When I was hiding behind a tree. Watching Paul and his friends burn down the barn I lived in.

During our Junior year, they got to know I was homeless. Living in an abandoned barn near the woods for the last two years. That's how I met Ana for the first time. She was running into the woods, close to where I lived.

Jack dared Paul to burn my place. For fun. They'd waited for me to go out before lighting up my place. I'd forgotten my book so I went back. Hid behind a tree when I saw four of them. Laughing and cheering as my shelter went into flames.

Thankfully all my money was in my bag. Which I carried with me everywhere. As I watched them, I made an oath to myself. Paul Hoffman and Jack Hyde will pay. One day soon.

A year later, here we are.

Ana's smile was not the only reason I wanted to destroy Hoffman. Although, it was a nice added incentive. But I had my own personal reasons too.

Now with one move, I managed to bring one of my enemies down and get Ana under my control. Two birds, one stone.

Her threatening words about being manipulated echo into my mind. My smile grows deeper. The second bell rings. I contentedly saunter to my first class. Not caring about being late.

 _Now, this is what you call a win-win, Ana. Not you fucking a dipshit to seek revenge_.

* * *

 **Ana is definitely my favorite out of these two in this version of Tarnished Minds and I intend to keep her as the main protagonist but somehow, Christian seems to best her every time. It gets both me and Ana very frustrated but also very hot for him. I guess we can't help ourselves around Christian Grey, haha.**

 **What do you think of this chapter, though? Please, please, please review! I need it really badly because it took me so long to write this chapter and it was so hard to keep the quality of fiction mended with reality. I desperately need to know I've not messed up or added too much in a single chapter.**

 **See you in two weeks. DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW. I NEED THEM BADLY AT THIS POINT. THANKS!**

 **Love ya all,**

 **~Kaishi xoxo**


	7. Seven - Anastasia

**Hi guys, sorry for the delay! I'm a little behind the schedule. My semester is getting intense with just a month left before the finals so I don't get the time to write that often. I have soooo many devious plans for Ana & Christian that I know you guys will just love to read, I just can't find the time to write and it's so frustrating.**

 **Anyway, a lot of you enjoyed the last chapter and my characters growing complexity. Thank you so much for your lovely reviews, they really help me understand my own characters. It even gave me some really good plot ideas. I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much. You're in for some nice heated moments, shocking revelations and Ana stepping up her game.**

 **Many of you have noticed Ana is impulsive and Christian is more strategic. Perhaps you'll see more character development for Ana here. She is impulsive, but she does get some good (or rather evil) ideas too. And I love writing from each of their point of view when they're trying to best each other. It's like playing a game of chess all by myself. I love it! I hope** , **as readers, you'll love it too.**

 **Note: I realized there were a lot of typos in the last chapter, a big one especially with a name. I'd ask you guys to reread that chapter before reading this one, just to avoid any possible confusions.**

 **NOTE:** **I DO NOT SUPPORT OR ENCOURAGE ANY KIND OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN.** **If you have any questions or comments about any controversies, feel free to message me or RESPECTFULLY drop your comments in the review box. I'll be happy to discuss it. There are a lot more controversial chapters coming up and if you feel uncomfortable with my work, kindly refer to the warning of the first chapter.**

 **Happy reading!**

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Disclaimer: I own the plot line but I do not own the characters.

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Chapter 7

Anastasia

 ** _"I think there's a flaw in my code, these voices won't leave me alone. Well, my heart is gold and my hands are cold." - Halsey_**

He tricked me. He knew exactly how to push my buttons.

Christian Grey. That foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach.

Yes, I said that in Hermione's British accent in my head. Fantasizing the epic punch she delivers to Draco's jaw.

Too bad I can't do that to Christian at the moment. As much as I want to, I have a role to maintain. Keep my cool and not engage in hurting anyone publically. So I'll have to wait until I get him alone to give him what he deserves.

He did exactly what I warned him against. Now, he'll have to bear the consequences for trying to control me. Christian knew how to coax me into his trap. I see the bait clearly, still, I willingly fall into his lure.

How can I not?

The platform looks beautiful. Dark red curtains are split open, draped to the sides in dramatic folds. An unexpectedly large audience is sitting in the auditorium. Prohibiting me from going crazy on Christian's ass, but also serving to a much bigger purpose.

His purpose of intending to use them against me.

Although, everything is forgotten the moment my gaze falls upon the baby grand piano situated right in the center of the stage. A polished ebony model of Cristofori G57L dominates the entire space, looking majestic.

It will be impossible for the person sitting up there to be not noticed by the audience. All eyes will naturally go up there. Which is why it calls my name, making my fingers itch with the need to hit the soft keys as I play them. Waiting for me to sing into the microphone attached to the piano.

Currently, a boy sits at my desired spot, playing the classic Chopin's Prelude No. 4 in E Minor. The spectators listen to him. Some of them critiquing him, others yelling in his support. A handful of them are bored and talking by themselves or looking into their phones. Despite missing a few beats, he's doing pretty well.

By the ambiance of the theatre, I can tell the auditions have been going on for a while. Christian gave me the wrong time. Purposely, no doubt. He wanted me to enter during the peak hour of the auditions without telling me what's going on. Knowing once I see the crowd and the setup, I won't be able to deny the opportunity to perform.

Christian Grey thinks he's got me all figured out. He thinks he can pull my strings anyway he wants to. He couldn't be further from the truth. And I'm going to show him that.

Also, I realize this game we've been playing, isn't amateurish. He has been planning every move with precise calculations. I'll need to step up my game to stay ahead of him.

 _Game on, Grey. Here I come._

People half-heartedly clap when the boy finishes his piece. He eagerly looks at Christian, Eric, and Jose. They sit at the makeshift judges' panel, a couple of feet ahead of the first row, softly discussing something among themselves. I take this opportunity to stand as close to the stage as possible without being obvious.

"That was really good, Xavier. Thank you so much. We'll get back to you by this weekend if you're selected," Eric says in a cool professional voice.

Looks like he has been saying that from a while now. Just my luck! Or maybe Christian's plan? Either way, I'm going to use it to my advantage.

"Alright, who's next?" Jose asks enthusiastically, surveying the room until finally his eyes land on me. He looks a little shocked.

"Ana, do you want to try?"

Maybe Christian didn't include him in the plan if he wasn't expecting me here. But then, everyone else is equally startled by my presence. The murmurings and whispers are going around the theatre.

Turning a blind eye to the mass reaction, I give him a casual shrug. "Um, sure. I guess I can go."

They all watch me make my way through the steps to the center of the stage. Holding my head high and my posture upright, I walk confidently. Adding a little sway to my hips. I don't need my body traits to get what I want here, my talents will be more than enough, but alluring to the onlookers helps to sustain their curiosity.

One of my traits that remains unscathed by my abduction and confinement is my ability to hold everybody's attention and keep them engaged. If anything, I'm excelling at this particular skill more so than before.

The slow, dramatic saunter contrasting with my forged nervousness is an example of how well I can make the watchers stay intrigued by me. I never bore them. I'm their entertainer.

Too bad for them, the jester is also the executioner in this case. Like Thomas Skelton, a court jester who was also a serial killer.

Letting out a breath, for the sake of the show, I take my seat at the bench. It was made for me to sit on. I'll have to remember to ask Christian how did he manage to get the school to invest in a pricey piano such as this one. He and his team really went all out on the auditions.

 _All this trouble for me, Grey? Just because you're looking for an extra to join you? Now that would be just an insult to your exemplary bribe._

"We don't have all day," says the antagonizing bastard I was just talking about.

His friend, Eric, frowns at him. "It's okay, Ana, take your time. We're ready whenever you are."

I'm assuming from his comment, that Eric is as clueless about Christian's intentions as Jose. That works perfectly in my favor. By now, the hushed tones have fallen mute. All eyes are on me. I lift my hands and position my fingers delicately on the keys.

Starting with the chord I play the intro, leaning into the microphone to sing a haunting version of _Gasoline_ by Halsey. Let my demons out, reveling in the song. Knowing none of them will be able to see my reality, even though I'm hiding in the plain sight. Right in front of them, right now. Yet they're all blind. They will simply perceive it as a performance.

All of them, but one of them. The one who knows me, understands me. My biggest enemy, yet my strongest ally. While listening to his recommended song today on my way to the class, I deciphered his unspoken proposition.

I accept it.

So, I direct the words at him. Asking him all the questions through the song. But I chant the chorus all for myself.

No one is shouting this time, I notice passively. It isn't that they find my performance lacking, but because they're completely enraptured to bother critiquing, praise or ignoring me. The only phones that are out are to record me.

My assumption is proven right when a deafening acclamation comes from the audience in the form of a standing ovation. I give them a shy smile, bending humbly before turning to the band. The three men stare at me with wide eyes. Jose is the first one to recover.

"Wow, Ana. That was just… man, I'm speechless. How come I never knew you sing?"

"Let's just say, I'm really good at keeping secrets." A wink from me and the poor boy is blushing. Easily swayed.

"Oh, by the way, I can play guitar too. Would you like to see?" I pretend to be an eager girl who merely wants to showcase her skills.

Eric replies this time. "You know what, I think we'll join you for this one."

One by one, the get up from their seats, stepping up on the stage. Christian is the last one to join us being uncharacteristically quiet. Or maybe characteristically, since he doesn't really say much to or in front of anyone else. For some reason, he also looks pissed.

Probably expecting me to play as his pawn when he invited me here. Obviously, he is not very happy not that the roles have reversed. I wonder, though, why is he partaking in this? He could refuse to join me. Sure he'd seem like a douchebag but he doesn't care. Illusions of reputation are my style, not his.

 _He's curious. He knows the ball is in your court. Plus, he wanted to sing with you since the day you became lab partners._

Huh. I really am good at answering my own questions.

Christian jogs to the backstage, quickly re-emerging with a pair of guitars. He passes me one, gazing into my eyes, giving me a static shock where our fingers meet. Meanwhile, Eric arranges his drum set and Jose drags the piano to the back, letting me and Christian take the lead.

The crowd is going crazy, screaming in anticipation. The whole scenario gives me _America's Got Talent_ vibes. Being the attention-whore I am, I soak it all in. Eric hands all of us a headset microphone, tapping with the wires until they are both working.

Once the setup is done, we're ready to perform. I take that as my cue to lead. Strumming my fingers through the guitar, I play to the tune of one of the epic songs by The Rolling Stones. Going solo for a few seconds until Christian joins in when he recognizing the song.

Jose harmonizes with us, playing the piano and I vocalize the first verse of _Laugh, I Nearly Died_ , with Eric hitting his drums as Christian and I sing the chorus together. Our voices in perfect sync. People aren't quiet this time, they go chaotic. Singing along with us. Swaying their bodies to dance at the rhythms we're producing.

Perhaps, Christian is right. There is something besides violence that helps to sedate the monster within me. This way I can make them all move like puppets, get them frenzied and still enjoy the disorder I cause. Maybe destruction is not always what I will need necessarily. Sometimes music can help me too.

My ears are turning deaf by all the cheers we receive from the students around us.

"That was mind-blowing," Jose says, excitedly. "Is there any other instrument you can play? Maybe trumpet or a saxophone? How about a violin? Oh fuck!"

He clasps his mouth shut. But the damage is done already. The buzz dies down instantly. Everyone awaiting my reaction at the forbidden word. Christian has an indiscernible smirk crawling up his face, registering I'll have to act sad. He thinks pretending on demand is an inconvenience to me. He doesn't know how much I love drama.

Twisting my face and blinking rapidly, I force out a sad smile. My voice cracks up. "Maybe some other time, War. I'm not ready yet."

Then, like any normal being would do in an awkward situation, I deflect while trying to appear brave at the same time. "I can play harp if you want."

Eric gets up from his seat, looking at me strangely, seeming to not boy my sad act. He's observant, I can tell. But how far does his perception go? Unlike Christian, I don't know or trust him and if he sees too much, Christian might lose a close friend. Perhaps one of his only two friends.

I wonder how he will react if I were to ever kill Eric or Jose. Would he care enough to avenge them or care at all, period?

 _Hmm. Please tempt me to kill you, Eric. Give me a reason to make Christian as miserable as he made me all those years._

That's not what he does though. "We don't have a harp here," he says. "Although, I'd love to hear you play it the next time we practice." He gives an intentional pause. Raising an eyebrow, building up the moment.

 _Fine, let's play_. "Practise?" I question him. Making my eyes go wide.

"I think I can safely say on behalf of the band that we want you to be our fourth member."

Jose stands up next. "Welcome to the band, Ana! We don't have an official name yet but we'll think of one soon." He bumps his shoulder with Eric's. "What were you saying about getting Ed Sheeran?"

I look at Christian, who's been watching me closely this entire time. His impassive face making it hard for me to read him. "You forgetting why we needed an extra in the first place." He's still looking at me but his statement is directed at his bandmates.

Jose answers him. "For song-writing. Right. Are you any good at it, Ana? Please say yes. I don't want to lose an awesome potential member 'cause of it."

"I'm pretty sure I can." I tell him with confidently, "I did write a song last year if you want to hear it sometime."

Jose excitedly punches the air. Eric also looks relieved. "So it's decided. Ana is in the band."

Eric glances towards Christian as if asking his permission. His relaxed exhale when Christian gives him a slight nod confirms my thought. But I'm not done yet. Christian's show might have ended, he's got what he wanted after all.

Mine though has just started. He needs to know how quickly things can backfire, especially where I'm involved. _Lights. Camera. Action._

"Wait. What do you mean by extra?" My frown grows deeper as my gaze passes from Jose to Eric, stopping at Christian. "I'm not going to be an extra. Or a fourth member. I didn't showcase my variety of skills to be an extra here, guys."

A combination of panic and confusion goes around the two expressive band members. The crowd is watching our exchange closely, just as perplexed. Christian, on the other hand, has gone stiff, waiting for the explosion that's about to occur. He already knows who is going to suffer the most.

"What do you mean, Ana?" Eric asks.

"I want to be the lead."

Six words are spoken. Slowly and emphatically. Somehow carrying the power to make a silent room go quieter. I can hear Christian's harsh breathing as it picks up the pace. The only indication he's angry. As he should be. Everyone knows Christian has been the lead vocalist ever since their band was formed two years ago. I just challenged his position openly.

So, I build up my case."I can play more instruments than all of you combined. I can sing well and write songs too. Why would I agree to just be an extra when it seems I'm the most experienced among the four of us?"

Looking at the audience, I bat my lashes, turning on my princess charm. "What do you guys think? Don't I deserve more than being an extra?"

The crowd cheers for me. Clapping their hands, yelling my name. "Ana! Ana! Ana!"

Ah! The feels.

The band is compromised now and the three men standing beside me know it. If they reject me now, they'll come across as huge douchebags. Not to mention insensitive pricks, given my recent tragedy. Besides, they won't be stupid enough to refuse the mayor's daughter. My father won't really care but these guys don't know that.

If Christian looked pissed before, he is fuming right now. I could almost see him turning green and screaming out _Hulk Smash!_ He is this close to losing it.

Is it because I challenged him and demanded his position? Or because the spectators he has gathered to try controlling me are now turned against him as my weapon? Perhaps a combination of both.

The satisfaction I feel at the moment, regarding him as he tries his best to remain calm, is indescribable. Rare are such moments in my life where I'm able to breathe so easily. Watching Christian getting all worked up is definitely one of them.

Jose shrugs, looking a little sheepish. "I don't see a problem with that. She does have more talent than us. We need her, guys." His last sentence is pleadingly whispered to his bandmates.

Eric, ever the moderator, murmurs into Christian's ear. The way Christian gets angrier before slowly subsiding, I can tell Eric is taking the stance in my favor. Just to tempt the beast, I smirk at him.

His blank eyes abruptly begin churning with detestation for me. I decide I like him better this way more than when he's all emotionless and much more than when he looks at me softly like he's almost pitying me.

No, Christian Grey looks a lot hotter when he's looking like the monster he really is. He can try helping me calm my demons, but I'm calling out his own to play with mine. And he is losing the battle with them. Badly. Which means I'm winning.

The decision is made. People are happy I'm the new leader of the band. I got what I intended, Jose and Eric are relieved to have a new member they desperately needed, and Christian lost this round. Things are back under my control.

After leaving the auditorium, I go to my locker to take my books and call it a day. Suddenly a hand suddenly closes around my arm, jerking and pulling me to a darkened classroom. The abruptness of the situation violent manhandling makes me instinctively fight the firm hold.

"Let me fucking go!" I yell. My breaths coming out faster, feeling claustrophobic as I try breaking free. Not caring about my reaction, the arms around me becoming painfully rigid. One of the hands come up to gag me, suffocating me furthermore.

"I try to help you and you decide to fuck me over?" Christian snarls.

Recognizing it's him, I drop my head, going limp in his arms for a split second before swinging my head back with full force. Headbutting him and aggressively planting my elbow against his gut at the same time. He lets me go with a painful grunt, cursing under his breath as he instinctively covers his bleeding mouth.

"That's what you get for tricking me. How dare you trap me to audition for you when I clearly said I'm not interested in singing with you? I told you, Grey, fucking warned you. No one gets to manipulate me. If this is your idea of helping me, then go fuck yourself."

He gives me a deadly look. Stalking me as if cornering his prey. He should know better by now. I'm not a fucking prey and I never will be hunted again. Lifting my chin up, I wordlessly dare him to do his worst.

I assumed he would grab me. Maybe push me to the floor in an attempt to subjugate me. Instead, I'm surprised when he slaps me across my face. It's not very forceful, nothing close to how hard I slapped him in the cafeteria. I'm more shocked than hurt.

But I also feel something else. Respect.

He's not treating me like a delicate flower, he's not even showing me chivalry even though there was no strength in his strike. Rather, he's treating me like an equal. Inciting me back when I provoke him.

Back and forth we go, hitting and smacking each other. There's hardly any pressure in his blows whereas I deliver mine with all the hatred I feel towards him. We're sweating and breathing heavily.

My hair is messy and wild, going everywhere. I lost my boot when he tried to grab my leg. Christian is in worse shape than me with dried blood on his lips and ripped sweatshirt courtesy to my nails. His left eye is bruising from the impact of my knuckles.

I'm aiming for another punch. This time at his nose when he blocks it with his palm. The other hand goes around my waist, roughly yanking me forward. In the next moment, our lips are crashing together.

His tongue spears into my mouth, I nibble at his bloody lip. Our fight is far from over but now we're fighting within our kiss. Battling our domination, making the kiss hotter by the second. Our hands are ripping at each other's clothes. He gathers me in his arms aggressively once again, flinging me at the teacher's desk.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm aware of being in a classroom, still in the school. We shouldn't be mauling each other here but the thought only encourages me more to do so. Stepping between my legs, Christian bends over me to resume our kiss.

My legs wrap around him as his body covers mine, bringing him closer until his hardest part is pressing against my softest. Creating a deliciously maddening friction as he jerks his hips repeatedly. A fist around my neck, the other kneads my breast while I pull at his hair and claw at his back under his shirt.

Hurting and battling this way is so much better. It brings more pleasure to both of us while punishing the other one simultaneously. The taste of his blood makes me hungrier. Thirstier. Wanton. I never want this to end.

Christian rips away his mouth away, abruptly standing back. I whine at the loss of his warmth like a wild animal. He pushes me, unexpectedly, until I'm falling from the desk. Smashing against the hard floor, to the inner side of the table.

Needing to retaliate and demand why the hell he did that, I'm about to get up and pummel his face when he jumps, landing next to me. He brings his finger to his lips. The universal sign to stay quiet. As I regain my momentum, the awareness sinks in.

The sound of approaching footsteps and hushed voices slowly becomes discernible and I understand Christian's sudden reaction to hide us. The after-school security guards must've heard us and are coming to check in. But as the door opens and the voices become distinguishable, I recognize it's Leila and Paul who stepped inside.

"You ruined me!"

"For the last time, Paul, it wasn't me."

"The pictures are sent from your phone. I only told you where I'm gonna be that night. I asked you to cover for me, not fucking cover me like a media reporter."

Paul informed Leila about his visit to Chapman's house? Interesting.

"I thought you were going to meet the coach. I didn't know you were fucking Heidi. Why would you do that in the first place anyway? She's such a creep."

Her response aggravates him further. "You think if I knew that I would've risked my entire career for a piece of ass?"

"Yes, I do think so," Leila says haughtily. "Honestly, serves you right for trying to sneak into a girl's room all naked. Thank god I broke up with you! That could've been me."

A burst of manic laughter breaks out. "Oh don't pretend like you wouldn't love it, you little slut. We've done worse than that and you loved every second of it. Remember that time when we fucked and I called you Ana? Remember how hard you came on my cock?"

Huh. He fucked her imagining she was me. Should I be honored? Should I take it as a compliment? Maybe if I felt anything, I would've been gloating. But I don't. I feel numb. Doesn't matter she was having the best role-play of her life when I was kidnapped by a rapist pedophile.

I would, however, extract my pound of flesh from her for taking advantage of me. It ain't betrayal that prompted me to conspire against her. The fact that she thought she could abuse me and my friendship, is enough of a reason.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Even I can hear the lie in her voice. "This discussion is over."

"No, you're telling me why the hell you called the coach and leaked those pictures, and then you suffer your consequences."

Leila gasps, chortling. "My consequences? Who the fuck do you think you are? I'll have you destroyed, Paul Hoffman."

"As if I'm not destroyed enough? You wanna take more from me and for what, dumping you because I found out you were fucking your own brother? Imagine what will the town think when that gets out? This goes both ways, Leila!"

 _Wait, what?_

I turn to Christian as a long pause trails after the bomb Paul has just dropped. He is equally astounded by what we're hearing. Every second of Leila's exceeding silence hardening Paul's allegation. My mind is spinning, trying to grasp the intensity of his words.

Leila Williams, as far as the town knows, is a single child. She lives with her loving parents who turned into a spoiled brat. Her extremely sweet mother- I sometimes doubt she is Leila's real mother- and a little arrogant father who thinks money can buy everything. That's the family of Williams. Just the three of them.

So what brother is Paul talking about? Maybe he has lost his mind. But then why has Leila gone so quiet?

"You just got kicked out of the football team, Paul. Don't be so overdramatic." Her voice is grimmer, lacking its usual shrillness. "You still have a chance to get your shit together. But if you ever try to threaten me and my brother ever, you'll pay with your life."

She walks out, leaving a frustrated Paul behind. He curses something unintelligent as he kicks at the wall a few times and follows her out.

We stay still for a few minutes to ensure they're gone. Meanwhile, I'm reeling with the fact that she practically confirmed his accusation. Trembling with the buzz of this newly acquired information.

"Leila has a secret brother," Christian summarizes. "And she's fucking him."

I can't hold it in any longer. Throwing my head back, I guffaw. Laughing until my stomach hurts and my eyes tear up.

"Holy shit!" I say, wiping the moisture at my eyes. "This town… there's some serious Game of Thrones shit going on here. We have our own version of a bitchy, snobby Cersei Lannister."

"Gotta find Jamie now."

My jaw drops open. This is the first time he's made a pop-culture reference. "You've seen the show?"

"Eric and Jose made me watch it. Wasn't that bad." He says with a straight face. Making me laugh harder.

Christian is right though, we need to find this mysterious, new character. And then I'll serve the coldest dish to my best friend.

My retribution has just begun. I've got a long list ahead of me. Too long for this town to survive.

* * *

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 8 is coming in less than 2 Weeks! Who is excited and who is super-super excited? Let me know who do you think will sit on the Iron Throne, I can't wait to find out myself.

As for this chapter, don't just love the push and pull between these two? I enjoy writing them so much! What do you think is in the course next, now that Ana won this round? Who will win next? let me know in the reviews. DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW.

I'll try my best to write and upload another chapter within the fortnight. I've already created an outline of it and even I was surprised and how shocking it turned out to be. I can't wait to write it!

Love ya all,

~Kaishi xoxo


	8. Eight - Christian

**Hi guys! Finals are here! The next two weeks are going to be stressful for me. I've also applied to a few internships and I'm just sitting on the edge hoping I'll be considered. Thank you all for your good luck wishes for my finals xoxo**

 **I think I'm going to update my timeline schedule in the first chapter, where I said a new chapter will be up every week. Seems like every 3 weeks now since that's when I've been posting it. But... this one is a nice and long chapter, too many things are happening but not enough to get you overwhelmed. I hope you like this one, it took me three drafts and 10,000 words to finally write a 4,500-words chapter to my satisfaction.**

 **It's not easy to get into Christian's mind. He is a mysterious, complex character who thinks a lot more than he speaks, unlike Ana who's got no filter with Christian and a lot of subtextual thoughts when interacting with others.**

 **NOTE: I should've mentioned this in the previous chapter (and I'm going to update and put this note there as well) I DO NOT SUPPORT OR ENCOURAGE ANY KIND OF VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. Some of you had a problem with Christian slapping Ana, and rightfully so. But if you read the chapter again you'll notice it wasn't forceful or hurtful, more like a wake-up call for her. That being said, it's still NOT okay for men to slap women around or vice versa. This is a work of fiction and a dark romance, thus it shouldn't be taken seriously in real life.**

 **If you have any questions or comments about any controversies, feel free to message me or RESPECTFULLY drop your comments in the review box. There are a lot more controversial chapters coming up and if you feel uncomfortable with my work, kindly refer to the warning of the first chapter.**

 **Thank you & happy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 8

Christian

" _ **You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, something not everyone knows how to love." - Warsan Shire.**_

Moving as stealthily as possible, I creep through the corridors to stand outside the Principal's office.

I lean against the door. Focus on the words being spoken on the other side of the closed door.

The halls are dead. Cold and devoid of any sign of life. Almost giving the impression of a post-apocalyptic scenario. Just the way I'd prefer them to stay forever.

Any other day, I would've enjoyed breathing freely without bothering with the herd. The social animals are temporarily tamed into their cages, also called as classrooms. Leaving the halls lackluster and colorless.

It's strange how something so full of life can be left so empty in just a moment. A phenomenon that has always fascinated me.

Just like Anastasia Steele. A force of nature. Unpredictable and moody. Bright like sunshine on a warm day. Then turning somber like a cloudy sky after snow.

She's been this way ever since she stole my lead on the day of auditions. The same day she discovered her said best-friend is sleeping with her own brother. A brother whose existence no one knows about.

You could see how complicated this can be for anyone to comprehend. But Ana was having her very own bipolar adventures since then. It's been two days of dealing with her temperamental swings. She ran hot to cold and back to hot in a split second. Bound to explode soon.

Which might have been the case and the reason she was summoned by Principal Walgreen. I also recognized a deeper, more authoritative voice present with theirs. Mayor Raymond Steele. This can't be good if her father was physically present. Something he hasn't done all the prior times she's gotten into trouble.

This wasn't her first time being called to the principal's office. Although all the other times were before she came back to school. Ana hasn't exactly been a very sincere student back in her sophomore or junior year. During what she calls her "after-phase."

She used to get called a lot into the principal's office. But she always got away without much discipline. All thanks to her father. Who was one phone call away to rectify every situation. If he's here today, means this is something big.

My instincts were right. I was sitting in my history class. Jotting down notes from the lecture of The Gulf War, when the rarely used speaker buzzed through the classroom as it came to life. A tapping noise whirred through it. Alerting everyone for an upcoming announcement.

Principal Walgreen spoke into his microphone. "Anastasia Steele, please report immediately to my office."

The announcement is repeated once more. Our teacher continues the lecture from where she left it. A few minutes later and here I am. Ditching the class in the excuse of using the restroom. Eavesdropping on their conversation instead.

"What proof do you have it was my daughter?" Mayor Steele says, sounding aggravated.

Walgreen replies, "a bracelet was found at the crime scene. It was identified as Ms. Steele's."

 _Crime scene?_ I groan inwardly _. What have you done now, Ana?_

"There are five of us who own the exact same bracelets," Ana speaks up. "Same model and color. We all got them made together last year. I can give you the names of those girls."

"We have already talked to them. We wanted to clear all possibles suspects before calling you in, Anastasia. Mia Wallis, Leila Williams, Ashley Thompson, and Rachel Hawkins have all showed they still have their bracelets with them as proof."

A heavy pause is followed by Walgreen's question. "Can you show your bracelet as a proof, Anastasia?"

"No I can't," Ana finally replies. "I believe I lost it a few months ago. Before… you know, the incident."

Another quiet moment follows. I press myself harder as the time stretches. Growing impatient, not knowing what crime is she being accused of. A teacher passes by, noticing me.

"Christian, shouldn't you be in your class right now?"

I shrug. "Principal Walgreen called for me. I'm just waiting for his prior meeting to get over."

She believes it and smiles before continuing walking down the hall. People can be so gullible.

Just like this isn't Ana's first time into the office, it's not my first-time stalker her either. I've nearly mastered the art of spying on her. Therefore, I know what excuses to make with whom. How to deal if I get caught.

I pin my ear against the door once more, catching the mayor mid-sentence. Something about a lost bracelet not being enough evidence.

"We can't do much about it as of now," Walgreen sighs. "Courtney Hyde is pressing charges. The case is being treated as vandalism. All five girls, including Anastasia, are under investigation."

Courtney Hyde. Jack's mother. From what it sounds like, they are accusing Ana of some kind of property damage.

"This is bullshit. As if my daughter hasn't already suffered enough, now you're putting her under investigation?" Mayor Steele's barks out.

Interesting how he suddenly cares about his daughter's mental state. If he were truly caring, he shouldn't have let her return back so soon. Especially with that fucker still free out there.

"Mr. Steele, I'm not doing anything to anyone. That is all under the Sheriff's orders. I was just asked to query about the bracelet. Jack Hyde had already listed Anastasia as his first suspect the moment he reported the damage to his car."

Ana vandalized Jack's car? How? When? Why the hell would she do that without telling me? I thought we were together in this.

But I knew I was only fooling myself. Ana's impulsivity, as usual, got the best of her. And once again she failed to recognize me as a worthy ally.

How many times do I have to prove myself to her until she finally realizes I want to help her? She is in the real danger of losing herself to this madness that's stirring inside her. Waiting to explode like a ticking time bomb.

Walgreen continues "You have to admit this looks bad for your daughter, Mayor Steele. She is the only one missing a bracelet that was found in a totaled vehicle with slashed tires, shattered windshield, and failed breaks."

 _Bloody fucking hell, Ana!_

If anything, this incident is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. She is not only becoming impetuous, but she is also being reckless. Damaging Jack's car isn't the problem, getting caught while doing so is.

And what is she, ten? Totaling Jack's car to get back at him is imprudent and immature. Has she learned nothing at all from things I keep telling her?

"I'll take of this. Thank you for letting me know Mr. Walgreen."

Walgreen tells Ana to return to her class. The footsteps reaching for the door is my cue to rush back before they see me. As much as I would love to see the mayor's reaction once he spots me, today is not the day.

Rather than heading back to my history lecture, I hide behind the wall at the end of the corridor that leads to another hall.

"What the fuck have you done now?" Mayor's hushed question echos my earlier thoughts the moment they step outside the principal's office. His tone harsher and viler.

Fitzie blinks innocently, smiling at him mockingly. "Just taking the matters into my own hand, Dad. Something I should've done from the start. Can't really come whining to you now, can I? Who knows you might've sent me to Jack next."

"Is the boy giving you trouble?"

"He was. I dealt with it."

"You didn't do shit, you dumb girl. Only created more trouble for me."

Ana's smile turns crooked. "Goal accomplished."

Raymond Steele curses before composing himself. Remembering his surroundings. "Maybe I won't clean up your mess this time. Looks like you need a few nights locked up in prison anyway."

A red sheath covers my eyes with fury making me tremble. Every muscle in my body twitches to step out and beat the shit out of him. Ana's calmed personna is the only thing that stops me from doing so. She appears to have it under control when, for a change, I'm the one struggling to get a hold of myself.

"As if the last imprisonment wasn't enough for you?" She taunts her father.

Wait, what?

What is she talking about?

The mayor goes still. I'm not sure he is even breathing. His eyes turn cold, stony hard. I see where Ana gets that look from when she shuts down her emotions.

In a low voice, he threatens his own daughter. "You will be wise to keep your mouth shut."

"And you will be wise to keep your daughter out of any trouble, won't you, dear Dad?"

There is no further exchange between them. Ana walks back into the direction of her class without waiting for his reply. Mayor Steele clenches his jaw and gets out of the nearest exit.

Meanwhile, I stand here, reeling from what I just saw. That wasn't a conversation between a father and his beloved daughter. The hostility present between them wasn't due to a parent's disappointment at their child's misbehavior. No, this wasn't a familial talk at all.

There was no lost love between these two. A far cry from how they've always appeared to be in public. Raymond Tarly looks at his daughter as the apple of his eyes in front of the world. The reality can't be further than that.

Another truth Ana hides under her disguise. Another mask she wears. I wonder how long she has been wearing this one.

Two hours later, I'm sitting next to her in the psychology class. She looks ahead blankly, seeming lost in her thoughts. To the demons inside her head.

Numerous times I open my mouth to say something, and numerous times I shut it again. There are so many things I want to say to her. Starting with berating her about the whole mess involving Jack's car, then demanding her to tell me what's up her father's ass.

But the way she stares off into a distance, with such icy detachment. I can't find the words to snap her out of it. Thankfully she breaks the silence first.

"Did you enjoy the show, Grey?" she asks, still looking ahead.

"What?"

She snorts impassively, then finally faces me. "Don't insult either of our intelligence, Christian. Did you enjoy watching our version of Modern Family's exclusive episode? One you didn't pay for, Mr. James Bond?"

She knew I was watching her. I underestimated her yet again.

"I thought we're looking out for Leila and her brother. Why didn't you tell me you were moving against Jack? We can't beat everyone at the same time. Revenge requires patience."

Never have I ever spoken this much with anyone. Only with her. This girl, this beautiful deadly, damaged girl who turns me into a babbling fool.

She eyes me, not speaking for a long minute. Something almost akin to disappointment flashes in her gaze. She masks it so quickly, I'm left to wonder if I might've just imagined it.

"It wasn't me. I didn't do it."

"But you know who did." The way she denies, with an underlying tone, makes me say so.

"Jack. I saw him smashing his own car last night with a baseball hat, a block from Mia's place. You know, in that deserted warehouse."

I don't bother questioning why would he damage his own car. Anyone who's been in Jack Hyde's proximity knows how much he detests his teal colored 1992 Camaro. He whines about it all the time.

From what I can piece, Jack smashed his not-so-dear car and blamed it on Ana. There's no lost love between these two, especially after Ana got him suspended for a few days. This way he can claim the insurance money while getting to see his nemesis go down. Have to admit, well played, Hyde.

"How did he get the bracelet? Is it yours?"

She shrugs. "Could be. I haven't worn that stupid bracelet since April. Maybe I lost it or lend it to one of the girls. Mia often used to borrow so she could have a matching set on both wrists."

"Do you think she's involved?"

I expect her to reject the idea because she's still close friends with Mia. They often hang out and apart from our interactions that's the only time I see Ana a little relaxed.

"Hmm… could be. I don't trust anyone." She says indifferently.

Something occurs to me then. "That day, my fight with Jack, you knew what he wrote inside your locker before you opened the door."

Ana tells me he wrote that days ago. He'd been leaving her notes with similar comments. She was just waiting for the right opportunity to rat him out. Now, it seems, Jack is trying to get even. Ratting her out by framing her for his own crimes.

She doesn't look too worried about this, though. Maybe because this isn't the first time Jack tried to undermine her. He's been her bully all these years as much I have. Maybe even worse, if things have stooped to this level. And now, they are going back and forth at each other.

 _How many games are playing, Ana? With who all?_

I also realize unlike me, Ana's insanity doesn't revolve around me. Surely I'm a part of it, a bigger part now more than ever, but still a piece. If I want to control her and make sure she doesn't downspiral worse, I have to cut off all the other stimuli.

Become the only one she has eyes for. Make her so obsessed with me that when she finally breaks down, she only has to rely on me. That's the only way I can handle her and save her from herself.

And the best way to make her go of other motives is to conquer them.

Jack Hyde, your name has been moved up in our list. Your days of bliss are over.

"Why were you fighting with him anyway?" Ana asks, stirring me out of my thoughts.

"Because I saw him messing with your locker. My guess, he was planning to add something colorful to his note."

"Huh. So I didn't technically lie to Principal Walgreen when I sad you were looking out for me."

I don't respond. She didn't expect one either. The rest of the hour goes silently. When we talk, it's only about the assignments and case study conclusions for the class.

"What was that? With your father?" I ask once the professor dismisses us.

Ana immediately shuts down. The coldness she displayed before nothing compared to her frosty appearance now. "None of your fucking business."

As she gets up with her books in her hand, a boy calls out to her. He was with Paul the day of the food-fight at the canteen.

"Hey Ana, I hope you're feeling better now." He says, feigning sympathy. "I was watching a French movie the other day. Berlin Syndrome. A madman locks up a girl in his apartment and tortures her. It made me think of you."

My hands fist with the impulse to knock him out. But I realize I can't fight every battle for Ana. Not that I need to, she's already walking to him, only stopping when she gets up in his personal space. Too close for my liking. Considering he hasn't backed down.

"Aww, that's so sweet of you, David. You know what? The other day, I was watching Silence of the Lambs." She licks her lips seductively, enraging me in the process.

"It made me wanna have you for dinner." She walked out, leaving both David and me speechless.

I'm slow at pop-culture references. Thus, it takes me a minute to understand that the dinner she mentioned to him wasn't a sexual innuendo.

David got it before I did. Which is why he is still standing frozen in his spot, his face slightly ashened.

I stare at the words. Reading them once, twice, thrice.

A tune is already forming in my mind. I itch to pick up my guitar and start composing. I can't get enough of the words, the song she has written for our band.

"What do you think?"

"I think it's great," I answer to her question. "Fabulous, in fact. When did you get the time to write this?"

She gives me a casual shrug. "I've been writing snippets here and there. Pieced it together last night and voila, I had a song."

 _You dream, you beat, you reap your flaws  
At night, when no one looks, you sharpen your claws_

That's how it begins. I notice she has used my words. The words I've said to her. Not only she savored them but she used them in our song. More than once. My favorite is the chorus part.

 _Damage is not always black and white  
Darling, we all got our Tarnished Minds_.

"I'm stunned. It'a great song, Ana."

"Thanks. Shall we begin?"

I pick up my guitar, she takes her seat next to the grand piano placed in her living room. Ana invited me to her place after school, telling me she's written something for the band. I have knows she's talented but I definitely didn't realize the extent of it.

We sit next to each other, creating a melody, inventing notes as we sing along. Breathing life into the song she wrote. Tainted Psyche. A very apt title, I must say.

Her father left early for the city. Not planning to come back for the rest of the weekend, from what she told me. I suspect this wasn't an unusual occurrence for them. The act of a loving family was played only outside the Steeles' mansion. Inside this house, that love was almost non-existent.

I've seen them interact before, away from the public eye, all credits to my shadowing abilities. But even then, I haven't seen them necessarily be hostile to each other. Something has happened since Ana's captivity and rescue that has pressurized their already strained relationship.

I want to know more, but I know she'll shut down again if I did. Instead, I just focus on making music with her. Something I'm growing very fond of.

Hours later, we end up in her room. Completing our psychology homework. Music from the '70s and '80s blazes through her speaker. Most of it by KISS, as she obsessively watches her laptop screen. She's been doing that a lot since Monday night.

After the auditions, and intruding on Paul and Leila's conversation, Ana visited Leila that night. Bringing her a teddy bear for being a true friend to Ana, when she's going through tough times. Ana had placed the bear at Leila's window ledge. Knowing her gift would mean so much to her friend that it wouldn't be looked twice upon, much rather be touched.

She was right. The bear sat untouched in the exact same place she'd left it. We knew this because the nanny camera hidden in the bear has been showing us the same angle for the past three nights. Which is conveniently most of her room.

Because we don't know who her brother is, our options for spying on Leila Williams are limited. Ana knows most of her schedule, and according to it, there isn't much time for Leila to sneak out far away to meet-slash-fuck her unknown brother. Chances her some action has to be going down in her bedroom.

Hence the dedicated binge watch.

It's getting late. Close to midnight. I decide to call it a night and pack up my things, preparing to leave. Suddenly Ana gasps.

"Oh. My. Motherfucking. Holy. Goodness."

I'm by her side in an instant. Looking at the screen that caused her to react in such a manner.

Two bodies, naked and tangled together. Rocking on the bed. Clearly boinking each other.

Ana disconnects her earbuds and turns on the speaker. The moans and grunts confirming what we already knew.

"How long have you been watching this?" I ask. From the looks of it, they've been going at it for a while.

"The faces aren't that visible in the dim light. There was no name or familial ties mentioned when they entered the room. I had to make sure it wasn't her boyfriend, Ryan."

"And how do you know it's not him?"

She tells me to listen. I pay attention to the mumblings aside from their obnoxious sex noises, listening to their words.

"Tell me you like it. Tell me you like having me inside you. Like what your brother's fat cock is doing to you. Tell me you want your brother to fill you up, dirty girl."

Leila screams yes at the end of each of the man's sentence. Their hips jerking faster, losing their rhythm.

"She seems really into dirty talk." Ana comments. Her chest rapidly fluctuating with excitement. I'm guessing she's figured out or heard the brother's name before I joined her to watch the incest-porn.

"So who's the lucky man?"

"Just wait. You'll see it for yourself."

She has a spark in her eyes. The revelation of her fake friend's dark secret is making her ocean-blue eyes glitter. Like the Sea of Stars in Vaadhoo. An island in the Maldives.

I've never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life. Her eyes are the meticulously the color of the world famous island's sparkling water. The sight turning breathtaking when she laughs infectiously.

Can anyone be so exquisite that it hurts to breathe when looking at them?

"Christian, look! Listen!"

She tugs at my hand, forcing me back to turn to the screen. Away from her distracting charisma.

It's then that I hear the name. Bellowed from Leila's name in the midst of her climax. She utters her hidden brother's name as he pounds into her mercilessly.

"Oh, yes, Jack!"

My heart is pouncing, I can hear the beat echoing into my own ears. Ana is watching my reaction closely. For her sake, I let the emotions show on my face and give her a megawatt smile that hurts my cheeks.

"I can't believe our luck!" I exclaim.

She gets up from her chair by her desk, laughing and panting cheerfully as she comes to stand by my side. "It's Jack! Holy shit, of all the people in the world it's Jack fucking Hyde!"

Jack fucking Hyde indeed. Two birds, one stone. The exhilarating storm in my veins was making me light-headed with euphoria. I imagine this is what Ana feels when she watches the destruction she prompted sparking alive.

"Oh shit, Christian. This is gold. Pure fucking gold." She keeps repeating the phrase, jumping up and down until he throws herself in my arms. Still bouncing and giggling as she lifts up her head and captures my mouth in her sweet, sensuous lips.

And then I'm a goner.

My tongue wages war with hers, our teeth clashes. Her legs are wrapping around my hips as I lift her up. Cupping the round globes of her soft, pert ass. I walk blindly towards her bed. My blood draining from my mind and pumping to nether regions. _Heaven's on Fire_ by KISS plays in the background. Igniting me further.

This is the first time she's initiated any physical contact between us, I realize. The first time she leaned and kissed me. Because she wanted to. Doesn't matter if it was because of the elation of acquiring evidence to destroy her two enemies. I'd give her a hundred tapes and a thousand lives enemies to wreck if it meant she'd be clinging to me to share her joy the way she is doing it at the moment.

Ana takes advantage of my distraction, biting down hard on my lower lip. I groan loudly. The animal inside me breaks free. Mauling and pawning over her as I throw her in the bed, covering her voluptuous body with my own. There is no hesitation, no shy touches. She fists my hair, yanking my head and nibbling on my neck. My hand kneads her breast, occasional pinching her nipple.

"Ah, Christian!"

Her needy cries are driving me crazy. I yank her shirt upward until it's crumpled and smushed above her breasts. Then I lean down to taste them. Licking and biting at her nipples all the while she screams my name. From cursing to pleading, the only word in her vocabulary consists of my name.

This is pure bliss.

Ripping open the button and zipper of her jeans, I'm about to thrust my hand under her sinful red lace when her hand stops me. Wrapped around my wrist with a surprisingly strong force.

Before I could question her, she jerks me forward. Caching me unaware, she easily subdues me. Our positions reversed with her rolling on top of me. I don't get the time to react. The next thing I know, my pants are forced open. She has me in her hand. Gripped firmly as she gives my hardened cock a not-so-gentle squeeze.

I growl, reeling from the sensation. But Fritizie is on a mission. Not stopping for me to enjoy the feel of her hands on me. She crawls backward, leaning down. Taking me in her warm mouth. Meanwhile, she swirls her tongue around the tip.

My eyes roll back. Maddened with lust I thrust in her mouth. Watching those lips wrapped around my length is driving me insane. I don't stay in control for too long. A few minutes of her pleasuring me and I explode, spurring down her throat. She laps at the remaining drops as though she wants more.

Our moment is over before it even began. She gets up, smoothening her clothes back in place. Giving me a slight smirk she goes to sit back in her chair. Away from the bed. Away from me.

"You didn't let me touch you," I say, breaking the quiet.

"That's not true. You were all over me, dawg."

She knows what I mean, yet she's avoiding it. I try a different approach. "That thing you did with your mouth… it was quite delightful."

"Oh, you mean to say I excel at giving a blow job?" She chortles, still facing away. Not looking at me. "Didn't know you were such a language prude, Grey."

It's back to Grey. She's creating the distance again. I can only think of one reason why she would do that. "Let me return the favor."

"There's no need for that." Her response confirms my theory.

"You don't want to feel, is that it? You know how good I can make you feel, you were enjoying it. But any further and you'd have been forced to feel."

"Fuck off Grey, I don't feel anything period. I told you there's nothing inside. You're just getting confused 'cause you're feeling it."

"I am. I'm feeling good. Great, in fact. Thanks to you. Why won't you let me make you feel good again."

"I felt amazing just minutes ago learning Jack is Leila's brother and her lover. I don't need to feel any better. You looked like you needed some release, though."

She's shutting herself down purposely. I can't seem to win with her. We take three steps forward and twelve steps back. This is extremely frustrating. I need to get a reaction out of her. Getting up from her bed I go to her in desperation. Kneeling down next to her so I can look into her eyes.

"You are magnificent, Ana. Gorgeous and exquisite in every way possible and every way unimaginable. The world doesn't deserve you, they never did. But don't let it steal your light."

 _Please react, give me something to work with Anastasia. Cry, smile, get angry. Just do something._

After what seems like a millennium, she finally faces me. Her eyes deader than ever.

"You should've said all this to me three years ago, Christian. In that classroom when I needed to hear it. You told me then to shut it off, remember? It's too late now."

That's when I feel it. Dread.

What if she is right? What if it is really too late?

* * *

 **Isn't your heart just breaking for Christian? I know a lot of you are frustrated with Ana but she has good reasons for being a stubborn cold-hearted bitch, believe me. You'll see in the upcoming chapters. Btw, the next two chapters are both from Ana's POV. One is a flashback of sorts that will tell you what classroom are they talking about where he told her to shut it off three years ago. The chapter after it will be continuing their current story.**

 **What did you think of this chapter? Did you see the Jack twist coming or did I manage to surprise you? PLEASE LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.**

 **DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE FIRST EPISODE OF GAME OF THRONES? What are your thoughts about that? I just loved it! Though I was expecting more action, tbh. I can't wait to watch the new episode tomorrow! Funny thing, most of you want Daenerys aka Khaleesi to sit on the Iron Throne when I asked you in the last chapter, same as me!**

 **Anyway, DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW.**

 **Love ya all,**

 **~Kaishi xoxo**


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